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Ep 170 - Are You Glowing?

Updated: Apr 2

Are you Glowing?

Do you know what that is--and why you might not be? Do you know the power of being in this mode?

Today I'm sharing with you one of your most precious resources and what might be holding you back from using it, plus a coaching challenge for you to try out this week!


  1. What is glowing?

  2. Why does it matter?

  3. Why don't we glow? Reason 1: Vulnerability

  4. Reason 2: We have stuff to work on

  5. Reason 3: It's our default

  6. Reason 4: We think someone needs to earn it

  7. My challenge for you


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  • Join How to Glow: And if you're ready to take this work further, visit and join the program to get live coaching and work directly with me on mastering your brain and improving your life.

Episode 170. Are You Glowing?

<00:00:00> Kayla Levin: episode 170. Are you Glowing?

Hi, my friends. Okay, we're back. We're talking about glowing again this week and I'm so happy to do it. I have to tell you, I was speaking this last week in front of a group of young, amazing, beautiful women, and in the beginning, you know, we were all like just sitting down, like we didn't really know each other.

They didn't really know my work. Some of them, and this is really what I spoke about primarily. <00:01:00> And by the end they like, their faces were shining, like they were lit up. And I'm like, I'm in a group of women. The power behind a woman who's tuned in authentically to a really deep and meaningful, purposeful and exciting place.

I feel like there are very few things in the world that are that incredible. It's, it's a really amazing place to be and it's such an honor for me to be there and watch that micro transformation today, I wanna talk about how we can all access that energy to bring that energy into our lives.

And what it is, why? Why is it important? How do we do it, why we don't do it? And I wanna give you guys a takeaway challenge. This is the topic that we're gonna be doing inside of the How to Glow Coaching program that I offer online in the month of December. So I'll be coaching every single week I get on there.

All you ladies, and we are gonna be focusing on that as well as anything that might be coming up. Keeping you from it, right? So we <00:02:00> can't be in that space when there's other things that are kind of blocking us. And so coaching is such an amazing opportunity to sort of work those little kinks out. So if this is something that speaks to you, I wanna just invite you personally, although it's not personal.

If you wanna write me an email, I will send you a personal invitation. I wanna invite you to come in and access some of that energy. I'm really excited to do this with the women in there. And I would love for you to join if you're not part of the community.

What is Glowing?

<00:02:26> Kayla Levin: So let's start with what is glowing. I am intentionally using a word that is not specifically clear

Why? Because I think that in different phases of our life, our positivity can come across in different ways. So sometimes our positivity can come across. Cheerfulness and sometimes our positivity can come across as abundance, and sometimes it's when we're in gratitude or love or connection or passion or commitment.

But <00:03:00> when we're glowing, what it means to me is that we're in this deep and authentic place where who we are is really coming through. And it's almost like all the little challenges that we get mucked up with when we get confused. Like we think these things matter, that just really don't matter. Cause we just lose perspective.

It's almost like those are like the clouds in front. So like, it's like you're always glowing, but like there's these clouds in front that are kind of blocking the light. And that's, that's what I think it is. So again, I, I, I don't specifically say menuchas hanefesh, because for one person that is what it is for her and for another person that feels too calm maybe.

And I don't say simha because I think you can be glowing even when you're on fire for a cause that matters to you, that you're not so happy about. It's that energy and it might take different, sort of come out in different presents

Why Does it Matter?

<00:03:51> Kayla Levin: why it matters. So I think this is where as women, our power comes across so delightfully and so <00:04:00> powerfully.

When we are in a space, when we're living in our authenticity and when this power's coming through, first of all, everyone wants to get on board. Right When, when you have someone who's like so passionate but like authentically passionate about what they're trying to bring into the world, it's hard to resist men or women, right?

It's really hard to resist. My husband right now is reading the biography of R Weinberg, right? And I think in some ways he had that too, right? Like he knew what he wanted to create. He had this simchas hachaim of being the person to bring this into fruition, and so many people got on board. It wasn't what they really were setting out to do in the first place.

Right? So one of the reasons it's so important is that we have these sort of micro personal missions in our life, and when we're approaching it from this place of possibility and authenticity and abundance, or whatever you're describing as your version of glow energy, then <00:05:00> people want in on it because there's such a huge win available.

Another reason I think it matters, first of all so much in our marriages is that I think that our, our ability, our. Time spent in this energy is spiritual fuel for our husbands. It is the ultimate receiving. Right? And of course that requires there be some connection to our husband. Meaning am I glowing in some way because of what he's providing for me?

And I don't mean because he's challenging you and so you're growing spiritually from, you know, all the middos development opportunities. But I mean, you know, something that he has that he contributes that is bringing something better into your life. That is such fuel, and I see that it creates this kind of magnetism.

I've used the phrase before, my way of describing it as a happy charging station creates this magnetic energy around us where people can kind of refuel and not just <00:06:00> men. I think women also really thrive on being in that energy, and it goes without saying that we thrive being in that energy.

Why Don't We Glow? Reason 1: Vulnerability

<00:06:10> Kayla Levin: So then why don't we do it?

Why aren't we here all the time? I think one of the main things. Is that it's actually a really vulnerable place to be. When I'm in my authenticity. If you reject me, you're rejecting me at my deepest level. And so it's easier to kind of show up with all the social mores of like, oh, life is hard, kids are hard, marriage is hard.

I don't know, like whatever we're doing, whatever's the, the talk or the way of, you know, just discussing your life or whatever. Because it's not really you in the first place. If somebody doesn't like spending time with that, you never really got rejected. We kind of are rejecting ourselves in advance in a way when we do that.

So I think there is a vulnerability about that, and I think that we have so much research. I would not be the first <00:07:00> person to come out here obviously and discuss the power of vulnerability. Brene Brown taking care of that for all of us. But I do wanna remind all of us about that. We can think about it about other people.

When I'm around somebody else and they are in their full, authentic self and they are vulnerable and they are truly them, how much a gift that is to me that they're able to contribute fully who they are into my life and whether I take it or leave it. So I think that one of the reasons we don't do it is cuz we shy away from the vulnerability.

Reason 2: We Have Stuff to Work On

<00:07:38> Kayla Levin: Another is that sometimes we just have that stuff to work on. And that was last week's episode, and that was what I was talking about earlier with the whole idea of like the clouds blocking the light. Sometimes we can't access it sometimes. The way that I know that I'm in that space is that the idea of being in glow energy sounds tiring.

It's the opposite of tiring. It's extremely energizing. What would be <00:08:00> tiring would be trying to force myself to pretend to be that energy when I'm not. Right. And so if the idea of this, of accessing this space sounds. Like more work, like one more thing on your to-do list. That might be a sign that there's something that's just in the way.

There's something off kilter. And I actually think that in some ways, sometimes it's just a thought. Sometimes it's just an approach or a story you're telling yourself. And I find that all the time, you know, someone thinking their life is just harder than it's supposed to be, or people are supposed to be different than they are, which of course your life is exactly as hard as it's supposed to be.

And people are exactly as they should be. , but sometimes, sometimes the thing we need to work on is that we're not giving ourselves permission to do something that would be really meaningful for us, or there's, you know, something off with the way that we're running our life. I find for myself, when I'm not in alignment with my true priorities, even if I've.

Done a nice priorities exercise, and I think I know what my priorities are and I'm trying to live <00:09:00> according to that. If they're wrong, I won't go to this place very often, I won't be in this energy very often if I'm not living according to my true priorities that really deeply resonate with me. So sometimes when we're not glowing, it's actually a great, I don't even wanna say a red flag, that's not like a danger thing, but it's a great little notification symbol that there's something to check in on.

Reason 3: It's Our Default

<00:09:25> Kayla Levin: Another really common reason we don't glow, and this is one that's come up, um, actually my clients have helped me see this from coaching them, is that it's simply a default. We just don't think to do it . And for some of you, that's all you need. All you need is to just remember like, oh, there's this thing called being in this glow energy, and it's really important and it's really valuable and it's really enjoyable.

Maybe I should just try to remind myself to just take a minute and glow, take a minute and remember all the things I'm grateful <00:10:00> for. Take a minute and just let all the goodness wash over me and be in that space before I try to fix something else in my life or make something better. And that kind of leads into number four.

Reason 4: We Think Someone Needs to Earn It

<00:10:11> Kayla Levin: The last reason, main reason that we don't glow is we think somebody has to earn that. We think that being in that space is only for people who deserve it, and that person is either myself or my husband. So let's start with you. If you're so busy beating yourself up that you're not doing it right, whatever it might be, if it's.

The housekeeping or the parenting, or the wing or the jobbing or whatever it is that you're doing wrong, according to your story. You might think that if you allow yourself to be in this energy, that then you won't get your act together and do better, right? And so we kind of try to like punish ourselves into improving, which is so ironic because really the only reason we wanna do all those things is to be our best self.

And <00:11:00> this. A big component of our best self is being in this energy. So I just wanna offer you, you don't have to earn it. In fact, it might be part of how you get there. Wouldn't that be fun if you have to figure out the glowing part before you figure out the being a nice wife part, or you have to figure out the glowing part before you figure out the how to get dinner on the table part.

Who knows, right? Let's. Let's see, but I can at least guarantee you that you don't have to earn it. You don't have to earn being in one mood or one space or one energy more than another. Nobody benefits from you punishing yourself and feeling down. And it also really, really doesn't work. I love to look at parenting resources for this because our children, we see, it's almost like.

A microcosm like it's our children are a really good <00:12:00> barometer for what works and what doesn't, because they don't have as much that they're putting on themselves, they're not self-coaching themselves into doing it anyway, and they're not pushing themselves, they're not using their determination, like they don't have such a fully developed prefrontal cortex yet.

So they really just respond very naturally to things. And what we see in all the parenting literature and all the educational literature is. People respond to being treated well. People respond to others having high expectations of them. People don't respond to lots of negativity and judgment and punishments and thinking they aren't good enough.

So why would we think that when we do that to ourselves, we're gonna do better? Why ? Why do we keep doing that? Why do we keep thinking and let me punish myself by being miserable so that I'll be better? When we have evidence all around us that that's just literally not how people work, right? So we might need to remind ourselves of that, and sometimes we think our husband has to earn it.<00:13:00>

Why should I be happy with him for anything? If he's not meeting my expectations, why should I be happy with him when he's disappointed me? Why should I be happy with him when he, you know, said something that was hurtful that I don't think he should have said. And it goes back to the same idea. This has nothing to do with earning.

This just has to do with being in your best self, in your best place. And I would argue that if something actually needs to be proactively dealt with in your relationship, you'll do it better from here. Because the truth is you're just telling yourself a lie. If you're thinking this is all terrible or he's all terrible, cuz it's not true.

Nobody's all terrible and no situation is all terrible. So if I can be in that space of seeing so much is good and I have a challenge now my brain is primed to find solutions and to believe in my ability to implement them and to get success. <00:14:00> That's where I want to be. So your husband doesn't need to earn your positivity.

It's not payment for him. Is it valuable to him? Absolutely. But again, remember what I said about child development. If we think that our husbands will now be motivated to do things to make us happier because we're frankly throwing a tantrum or having a hissy fit, being negative, being cranky, it's not gonna work because negativity doesn't motivate.

Positivity is what motivates. So it's not even gonna get you what you want. And in the meantime, you're stuck being the person having hissy fit, which is no fun. Even though it might feel totally justified and your brain wants to tell you, I deserve it and it makes sense. And I have every right fine. You have every right.

You don't have to though. Like, is it fun? Are you enjoying it? Probably not really.

My Challenge For You

<00:14:54> Kayla Levin: So here's the challenge I wanna leave you with this week. I want you to take some time. If you're listening to this right on time over <00:15:00> Chaz, or if you're listening to a Chaz sometime this week, consciously try to just put yourself in this energy even.

I would recommend setting an alarm on your phone for at some point where you know you won't be in the middle of juggling 10 different tasks where you can stop for 30 seconds, five minutes, however long you think you can handle it, and consciously see if you can just shift yourself straight into this energy.

It might be the energy of gratitude, abundance, peace, menuchas hanefesh, simcha, however you wanna describe it. For some of you, that's it. Especially those of you who. We're in default mode and forgot to do this. You might find that very, very profound. And some days you might just be able to shift right over. You might find that it gets stronger as you practice.

You also might find that something comes up for you that keeps you from being there. And I wanna encourage you not to get discouraged, but to get really curious, what is my brain telling <00:16:00> me stands between me and accessing this energy? , is it again, it sounds like a lot of work. Does it feel like one more thing on my to-do list?

Am I not accessing this energy because I feel resentful, because I feel too overwhelmed? Cause I think I have too many things on my plate. What is it? Let's figure that out and let's get coaching on that because these are those tiny things that accumulate into. Whether or not we're able to be in that mode, whether or not we're able to show up as our best selves, make decisions that serve us and that serve our families.

I invite you to come in and get coached. If not, find a way, whether you learned about it enough in the podcast or you know you have other resources, find a way to address those issues. Don't leave them hanging. It's an ama. The more that you do it, the more enjoyable it will be. And the.

Momentum you're going to <00:17:00> pick up of wanting to just knock out every issue as it comes up, because you're gonna start to spend more time in this glow energy. You're not gonna wanna leave it for so long. Okay, my friends. Looking forward to hearing from you, hearing your responses to this week's episode.

Can't wait to do this with you in December. By the way, this topic was a recommendation from one of the founding members, so that was super fun and I'll see you back here next week. Inside the program on the next call, which I think is like Monday, Sunday, or Monday next week. Okay, you well, bye-Bye.

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