Ep 159 & 160 - Get Control of Your Time - Parts 1 & 2
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We've had some big changes in our home. Most of you know we had a baby boy a few months ago, but you might not know that my husband has now joined the How to Glow team and is officially all-in with me on this business. Work wife=life wife for us. 🙂
It's a dream come true AND a major adjustment. For the last 13 years, he's been both the primary breadwinner and the busy guy. I loved having a looser, more flexible schedule. But we also knew that we'd never have the impact with How to Glow that we dream of if it's always kept on the back burner. Our five year plan was to bring him on board and grow the company. Hashem had another plan--and when his team was cut at his company, we grabbed the chance.
One of the biggest adjustments for me has been with our time. Between navigating our new baby, transitioning out of maternity leave, and both of us being home and working, I keep catching myself tripping up on my manuals and expectations built over the last 13 years for who is SUPPOSED TO do what and what a day is SUPPOSED TO look like. Over and over again, I'm finding expectations and throwing them out, re-thinking everything about how a day should look, how a marriage should look, and how a home should look.
But you know me and I love structure, so on the podcast this week I'm focusing on the five stumbling blocks that I and my clients struggle with in creating a dream schedule. Let me know if you identify with any of these:
When you make your list you already assume you can't get the "good stuff" in, so you don't even try
Making your list or schedule from a place of tension and stress, as if you can shove it all in and get it done
Not being willing to make decisions, avoiding the list-making altogether and hoping it'll "just work out"
Giving up on your system the moment it doesn't go perfectly
Assuming you have to do "All the Things" to keep your husband happy--even if they mean you end up NOT happy
Any others that I missed?
Looking forward to getting back to basics with you all. More next week.
xo,
Kayla
Resources from this week's episode: How to Glow coaching membership Ep. 2 - Why You Don't Have Enough Time Ep. 6 - Zero Based Scheduling Update Ep. 66 – Coronavirus & Zero Based Scheduling on the Fly Drink it In Podcast on Apple and Spotify
Transcript:
<00:00:00> Kayla Levin: Episode, 159. Get control of your time. Part 1
<00:00:04> Kayla Levin: Hi everyone. Okay. I'm excited to be talking this week about going into the new year, into Elul new school year. If you have kids in school or if you're a teacher. I think it's a really wonderful time to look at our schedules.
<00:00:52> Kayla Levin: And if you've been around How to Glow for a little while, you know, we talk about schedules a lot. This is really the balance that we have inside of How to Glow, which I love, which is alternating between working explicitly on our marriages directly on our marriages and working on the life stuff, which makes us more full, more happy showing up in a better way for our marriages. So we're in part B right now, right? What's the life stuff, which I just love. I guess that's why they call me a life coach. So first of all, before I get started, some of you might be thinking okay.
<00:01:25> Kayla Levin: Elul might look a little bit normal in your schedule. I don't know about your schedule , in my schedule it's a little bit structured, but then the Jewish holidays are coming. And we're gonna have three weeks where our schedules are gonna be totally upended. So why would we start working on our schedule now?
<00:01:39> Kayla Levin: Shouldn't just wait till after Sukkos and then things will be a little bit more consistent. Like we do have a pretty good stretch after Sukkos and I actually wanna argue that Elul is the perfect time to reimagine your schedule. And here's why, because the holidays are coming. We know that there's going to be a season of failure.
<00:01:59> Kayla Levin: it's not really failure. It's like planned failure, right. We create the schedule and we know that it's going to be changed. And one of the things that happens when we try something new, whether it's a new way of eating or a new schedule or a new routine, is that. That first failure knocks us out so often.
<00:02:17> Kayla Levin: And I love working on something in Elul, because then we have everything changes for a little while, but we knew it would happen. We kind of get past that first failure that first, this didn't work the way that I thought it was gonna work without all the drama that accompanies it, which causes us to throw it away.
<00:02:34> Kayla Levin: Now you've experienced. Having a schedule, the schedule, working the schedule, falling apart, going a very different way, which doesn't have to fall apart in a dramatic way. Right. But it's not gonna be the schedule that you would imagined. And then getting back to the schedule now, you know, you can do that. So if it happens again, you've already built that skill and you already have that to rely on.
<00:02:55> Kayla Levin: So I just think that that's amazing. I wanna offer you this week, some new ways to think about your time. And some tools, cause I know that for many of us, there's some drama in our heads about time. I'm always working on the thing that I need to work on. And this is one that I knew I needed to circle back to.
<00:03:12> Kayla Levin: As I'm moving into this new stage, as we're adjusting to our new baby. The thoughts that I was having about time weren't serving me. So you are getting the, what happened after I coached myself a bunch. We're also gonna be diving into this topic in September in How to Glow actually had a specific request to do this.
<00:03:29> Kayla Levin: And I'm, I wasn't sure if I should do it because we have a minicourse on demand. As soon as you sign up for How to Glow, you actually get my time management for Jewish women. Minicourse automatically included inside the program. I wasn't sure if we should also take a whole month to focus on it as a community, but all it took was one person asking and I'm like done so this is for you Aliza, September in How to Glow.
<00:03:51> Kayla Levin: We're gonna be doing Get Control of Your Time. I also wanna invite you to join us, cuz if you want some extra support from listening to this episode. I know that having the community and having the coaching and having the Q&A is really, really a huge support for making this actually go into reality versus just being an idea.
<00:04:08> Kayla Levin: And I really want all the women in the program to have a schedule that they love by the time we hit October. So this episode's going to be a two parter in the first part. I want to help you gain awareness of some common stumbling blocks. Okay. I want you to listen to them, sit with them and you can also see, you might have others too, that I didn't mention.
<00:04:28> Kayla Levin: Awareness is such a big part of the puzzle. And we're usually in such a rush to fix everything that we forget the power of sitting with "What is now" once we've actually seen it. Once you realize let's say that your husband says something and you thought it was offensive and you realize, oh, I decided that was offensive instead of jumping to what could I think instead when he says that, just sitting with noticing how you called that offensive and what that created and brought up for you and how you're showing up now, is like 90% of the work.
<00:05:03> Kayla Levin: So I can force the issue because you have to wait a week for next week's podcast to hear part two I'm gonna give you one week to really just sit with these. And again, let me know if you notice any other challenges beyond what I mentioned here. Okay. So here are five main challenges that are mindset issues.
<00:05:24> Kayla Levin: That cause us to struggle with time. And when I say struggle with time, I mean, thinking you can't get it all done, feeling overwhelmed, packing your schedule way beyond, what's possible, not leaving yourself enough time for the sleep and the eating and the water and whatever else you need to take care of yourself.
<00:05:41> Kayla Levin: Right? Any of those behaviors come from having mindset issues around time. So the first challenge is anticipating disappointment, which could also be called not planning for a big win. This I have to admit is the hardest one for me. I can catch it so quickly in other people.
<00:06:04> Kayla Levin: And I have such a hard time catching it in myself. But the question I want you to ask yourself is, do you even put everything you want on the table? Or as soon as you sit down to schedule, do you automatically subtract all the things you are sure you can't do. And I'm not talking about oh, I love to go spend two weeks in Gibraltar, which I would, by the way, if you live there and wanna invite me, but what I mean is, oh, maybe I wanna go for a swim three times a week, but I can't imagine being able to go for a swim three times a week.
<00:06:34> Kayla Levin: I'm not even trying to put it on my schedule. And I know why you even know why you're not trying, but how motivated are we to follow and to stick with a schedule that is mediocre at best? Right? So that's the first challenge is anticipating the disappointment. And I'm gonna talk to you next week about what to do about that.
<00:06:54> Kayla Levin: I want you to just notice is that the way you do this and that might even be. Notice if you're doing that, even in the course of your day, or if you're, let's say it's a Sunday and you're figuring out with your husband what to do. Are you putting on the table, the things that you think are possible to get done or are you even including things that would be really exciting if you would be able to get them done.
<00:07:13> Kayla Levin: Right. So again, are you planning for a big win or are you anticipating disappointment? Okay. Challenge number two is going into the process of scheduling. Expecting not to be able to fit it all in. Okay. So if I sit down to my calendar and I'm figuring out how to move, that to-do list onto that calendar, I know that I'm already, I check in with my body because if I'm feeling tense, stressed, or I just notice myself making 1000 little, 15 minute blocks or whatever.
<00:07:52> Kayla Levin: I know that's coming from the belief. There's no way I can fit this all in. So what ends up happening is I'm like I can feel it in my body. So when you're trying to schedule things, or when you're looking at your calendar, or even when you're putting together a to-do list, are you noticing that tense energy that's stress?
<00:08:10> Kayla Levin: Because it's probably coming from the belief. This is way more than I can actually manage, or this will be really hard.
<00:08:18> Kayla Levin: All right. Challenge number three, here's a big one for some of you. And some, I sometimes struggle with this one too. I'll be totally honest, which is not being willing to make decisions. Okay.
<00:08:33> Kayla Levin: Okay. You know what? I'm lying. I don't sometimes struggle with this. I struggle with this one pretty frequently. Now that I'm looking at these notes again, sometimes we'd rather pretend things won't take as long as we know that they. Or the time will magically extend rather than delete something from our list.
<00:08:53> Kayla Levin: Yeah. When we're sitting down to put together our calendar, that's the point at which we are making decisions and Lala land is very comfortable and it doesn't force you to deal with Actually committing to this will not happen this week. Right. I can kind of leave it in my fantasy that maybe it'll fit in, maybe it'll happen.
<00:09:12> Kayla Levin: But that sets me up for failure when I'm working with my time later. And it fails to allow me to notice how my life is set up. Right. I'm not actually looking at the situation as it is, which means that if changes need to be made, they don't get made. Cuz I keep pretending that there really is enough time for this stuff to happen.
<00:09:31> Kayla Levin: All right. I know that this sounds like a contradicts number one, where I said, you're like, I don't want you to anticipate disappointment. I want you to plan for that big win, but then like, wait a second. I I'm just gonna decide against all those things. No, it doesn't. And I, I want, I want you to trust me on this one for now.
<00:09:48> Kayla Levin: We'll get more into it next week. Doesn't necessarily contradict, but we do need to be able to make those decisions when it comes time to put together our calendar. This one's similar. Okay. So challenge number four is not being willing to troubleshoot. What does that look like? It's kind of what I was talking about in the beginning.
<00:10:07> Kayla Levin: Right? Means the moment your calendar doesn't work, are you the type? That's just gonna say oh, that system didn't work. Or even worse, like I'm not good enough to keep this calendar. I don't know how to do this. I'm not, I never was. I never managed, I was never the type. I could never do it. Are you blaming yourself?
<00:10:23> Kayla Levin: Are you blaming the system or do you really internalize the reality that every system requires troubleshooting? Every system will sometimes go down. And require bringing back up again, to me, that's the most helpful. And sometimes my system is I try a different system for this thing all the time.
<00:10:40> Kayla Levin: I like that with menu planning. I want a little bit of freshness. So I don't mind if I do a system for one month and the next month I do a different one that kind of is my system to keep switching the system. Personally, I find for working with my calendar and my schedule, that's not what works for me.
<00:10:53> Kayla Levin: I have a couple different tools that I use, but I go back to them consistently. But I do have to know, especially if I haven't been investing time in making sure that it's gonna work, but really at the end of the day, all systems require some troubleshooting. So think about if that's another, one of the challenges that you come up against, how do you handle when it requires some troubleshooting when it's not working?
<00:11:15> Kayla Levin: Right. Do you put that energy back into it or you kind of just like, forget it. All right. The last challenge I wanna offer you this week is making the very common mistake. Of thinking that your husband would rather have a clean kitchen than a happy wife. Some of you wanna fight me on that one. And is it possible that you have one of the small percentage of men who really, really, really wants that clean kitchen?
<00:11:44> Kayla Levin: And actually if that was the only choice, which is that. Possibly. I still doubt it. I think most of you who have husbands who want the house to be organized and tidy want both. Okay. So why am I including this as a challenge? Because I very often see people not shooting for that big win, not shooting for the life that they want, because they're kind of like blaming their husband.
<00:12:13> Kayla Levin: Well, I have to do these things or he's not gonna be happy. I have to do these things cuz it really matters to him and he really does like need that. Okay. And what ends up happening, which is so interesting is that when we're in that mode, what I'll see sometimes is that. What starts to look like the life you want is a life where you're really relaxing and not doing the things.
<00:12:34> Kayla Levin: But most of us, if left alone to our own devices actually would wanna keep on top of most things. Right. Because it just feels nicer to live in a space like that. So just notice if you also are using that kind of as, I say this with love, like a little bit as a cop out, right? Like I can't take care of myself.
<00:12:50> Kayla Levin: I can't create a schedule that I love. I can't create a calendar that I really enjoy because my husband wants these things. Okay. And I wanna suggest that we can challenge that a little bit. Maybe even just look at what you want and. Again, this is awareness. We're gonna go into the tools on how to deal with it a little bit more next week.
<00:13:08> Kayla Levin: But is that something that comes up for you and again, treating yourself a tons of compassionate love because our brain just does the best it can trying to figure out what's going on in the world. So it's fine if that's been your thought. And I just wanna point out that it might be optional.
<00:13:22> Kayla Levin: Okay, so next week I'm gonna be back to talk about strategies, tactics, and new thoughts to help with these challenges. And I wanna know if you have some more to share, are there other things that make it hard for you to create a calendar and a schedule that you love? I wanna hear them so you can reach me on the meaningful minute app.
<00:13:38> Kayla Levin: If you're over there, Instagram @kaylalevincoaching, or you can just send me a good old fashioned email. Kayla@kaylalevin.com you can also get access. As I said earlier to my mini course on time management for the Jewish woman, by joining How to Glow, which is now open all month long, you don't have to wait for the launch anymore.
<00:13:55> Kayla Levin: We just decided why don't we just let people join whenever they want . So that's what we did. So you could get the course and be ready for September where we're gonna be coaching on this all month long. And you just do that by going to kaylalevin.com/coaching. I would love to have you join us in the program and get to coach you personally.
<00:14:13> Kayla Levin: All right. My friends, I'll see you back here next week to continue talking about getting control of your time.
Ep 160 - Get Control of Your Time - Part 2
<00:00:00> Kayla Levin: Episode 160. Get Control of Your Time. Part Two
<00:00:36> Kayla Levin: Hey, my friends, I am back this week to continue the conversation about your schedule, your calendar. I want you all to have one that you love. I want you to look your calendar and be like, this is.
<00:00:48> Kayla Levin: So helpful. This is, this allows me to get whatever I want out of my life. Let's feel that way about our time. Cuz so many of us are spinning and like overwhelming stress and confusion even just about how we're supposed to do all the things. I would love to have you all get this locked in and cleaned up and just in a happy, happy place before the holidays.
<00:01:10> Kayla Levin: So we're not just sort of like adding to an already frazzled system, right? If you didn't listen last week, I presented all the different challenges that people come up against. At least the challenges that I see the most frequently in coaching. Loving their time feeling good about time creating a schedule that really works for them.
<00:01:28> Kayla Levin: And today I'm gonna be talking about the tactics and suggestions and coaching for where you can go with that. So I do encourage you to go back and listen to last week's episode first, if you haven't heard it yet and then come on back over here. All right. So let's get.
Challenge #1 - Anticipating Disappointment
<00:01:43> Kayla Levin: So the first challenge that I offered you was anticipating disappointment.
<00:01:49> Kayla Levin: Remember that one? That's when you go and you sit down to do your calendar and you are already deleting things from the list of things you would love to have in your life, because for sure, there's no chance that's gonna happen. So it's really, really common. It's one that I catch myself doing a lot. And what's funny is that sometimes.
<00:02:08> Kayla Levin: When I think about what I really want on that list, it's not even necessarily something that sounds so luxurious. It might just be like, I want a little unstructured time, or even sometimes , I want a whole day where I can just catch up on a laundry. Get it done. That might actually be what I want.
<00:02:25> Kayla Levin: Okay. So no judgment with what goes on your dream list. But your dream list is where I want you to start. The way you plan for a win is start with your dream list. And I want you to consider what would light you up, what would feed you with energy? What would make you glow? And yes, world travel can go on there, but make sure you're including what would exist on your regular week.
Time Management Systems
<00:02:47> Kayla Levin: Okay. One of the things we do inside of How to Glow is we break out time management into three different systems. There's your regular week system. That's like, I know how my life is running, which is really important for busy women, because we can't constantly be reevaluating our day redoing it. Allowing our brains to get into a routine and a basic habit and system of how our life works, allows us to free up a lot of mental energy for troubleshooting the other stuff in our life.
<00:03:16> Kayla Levin: Right? So that's one piece of how we do time management. The next one is how we deal with our now I have an actual week in front of me. I have my basic structure, but now I need to get the specific items that are on my todo list into this week. Okay. So that's called the, that is the Monday hour one. The first one's called the zero based calendar.
<00:03:35> Kayla Levin: The last thing that we do is a new way of working on a to-do list. And that's when you have a major project that you're managing, especially going into holidays, going into Shabbos, but it could also be work related. It could be a move, something like that. Okay. So we break it down into these things.
<00:03:51> Kayla Levin: When you're thinking about your dream list, that's a really important thing for your zero based calendar. When you're creating a calendar of what you want your typical week to look like, you wanna make sure that you are creating a week that would light you up, that would energize you. That would excite you.
<00:04:06> Kayla Levin: You're looking forward to living that week. Right? For me an evening walk with a friend and unstructured time with my kids are things that light me up. Getting plenty of sleep with buffer time to wind down feels very luxurious to me. Your brain's gonna wanna jump in and tell you why you can't and don't have time for these things.
<00:04:29> Kayla Levin: Your brain is not gonna wanna let you put it on your list. That's why I want you to call it a dream list because it will shut up your brain. . Sometimes we just need our brain to be quiet for a minute. If your brain wants to jump into like, well, it's not gonna happen.
<00:04:42> Kayla Levin: You just go, no, no, no. This is called my dream list. So as you're working on your dream list and you're putting down all those things that will light you up and make you excited for your week, don't worry. I'm not planning right now. I'm just writing my dream list. Now you have at least identified those items.
<00:04:59> Kayla Levin: And when you go to schedule, you know what they are. We're kind of sneaking it around the back door with your brain. So your brain doesn't put up too much of an objection.
<00:05:07> Kayla Levin: Okay. Why is this important? Sometimes these "Glow Activities", these activities that really allow us to glow actually fix everything else. Okay. I've been on if I've been on my walk. I have the energy to come back and wash the dishes or get some admin done in my business. Otherwise it's too much of a drag and I'm so much more likely to either just wanna go to bed or to procrastinate.
<00:05:35> Kayla Levin: I'm more likely to focus and accomplish tasks quickly when I'm in glow mode. So I don't want you to undervalue this list. This is a really critical list. The other thing about this, I didn't, I wasn't planning on saying this, but I think it's important to say is. You glowing is something your husband can really buy into.
<00:05:54> Kayla Levin: You functioning is not an exciting mission statement for your family. but you loving your life is something that's going to be really exciting for your husband. Say like, wait, that would light you up. Like you, that walk with your friend, do it. If he's able to actually see how much it's helping you, you're going to have people on board, whether it's your husband or your kids even right.
<00:06:13> Kayla Levin: Or other people in your life. We like to see other people living a full life. It's something that we can buy into though. When someone's like, look, I need this just to function. It's a little less motivating. Not that we shouldn't still do it, cuz we should be nice people, but it's less motivating.
Challenge #2 - Make Your To Do List or Calendar
<00:06:28> Kayla Levin: The second challenge I offered you was going into this process of either making your to do list or making your calendar, your schedule already sure that you're just not gonna be able to fit it all in. So, what do you do if that's the case you already noticed, you're sitting down at your computer or your calendar and your shoulders are up around your ears and you're feeling super tense and you just wanna rush through the whole process and get to work because there's no, I don't even have time to schedule.
<00:06:53> Kayla Levin: That's the thought, right? So what you do is I want you to examine what thoughts you already have about your life and your time. Look at them. I know you think you don't have time. Trust me, you will save so much time by doing this exercise. All right, because this is the idea of the self-fulfilling prophecy.
<00:07:15> Kayla Levin: When I think I'll never be able to fit it all in, I get super tense and overwhelmed. I make bad decisions and I waste my time. I prove that I can't fit it all in, but it was never the number of things on my list that was the problem. It was my thought about that list. Make sense? When I think I can't fit it all in, self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm going to behave in a way that keeps me from fitting it all in.
<00:07:39> Kayla Levin: We see all over people who are productive and people who are not. And we see in ourselves times where we're productive and times where we aren't, if you're in my program, definitely bring this to a coaching call.
<00:07:50> Kayla Levin: If this is something you want more support on. Let's hear what these thoughts are. So how do you do that? You wanna write on the top of the paper, my schedule, my calendar, my to-do list, whatever. And then everything you're thinking, you're gonna just dump it out on that paper. And I want you to remember these thoughts are rattling around in your brain, affecting your behavior and creating your life.
<00:08:12> Kayla Levin: Whether you write them down or not. Sometimes we don't wanna write down those negative thoughts cuz we're worried it's gonna make them more powerful. It's the opposite. It's like the monster in the closet. If I turn on the light and I open the closet door, I can see it's just a dusty old jacket. But if I won't look at it, it's kind of spooky.
<00:08:28> Kayla Levin: At least if you're seven, right. So we wanna pull those thoughts forward so that you can then create your desired behaviors. All right. So look at those thoughts that is tactic for when you are feeling super stressed out and anxious around your scheduling.
<00:08:45> Kayla Levin: And I'll add one more piece here. Sometimes our thoughts are about our list. We want to do. All of it. We think we have to do all of it. And that's the big piece. I want you to hear this. You never have to do anything. It is a huge disservice that you are doing to yourself. If you are walking around telling yourself you have to do something, everything that's on your list is something you want to do.
<00:09:12> Kayla Levin: Sometimes I clean toilets. Do I wake up looking forward to it? No. Do I like my toilets clean? So in a way I want to clean my toilets. I don't have to, I'm choosing to, and it is so much more empowering and so much more helpful to just acknowledge that I want to do these things. I might want to do some of them more than others.
<00:09:36> Kayla Levin: Some of them might be glow activities and some of them might not, and I still wanna do them.
Making Decisions
<00:09:40> Kayla Levin: Okay. So once you break out of your thinking that you have to do everything you put on your big girl pants or skirt, and you start making decisions, this is the next challenge, right? Not being willing to make decisions.
<00:09:52> Kayla Levin: I personally like to allow myself a little time to kind of mourn that I can't do it all. And I give myself a Kayla. You can have two minutes to just be sad that it's possible. This is not all gonna fit on the calendar. Okay. But once I've done that right. Then it allows me to transition into being willing to cut.
<00:10:11> Kayla Levin: It's kind of like decluttering, right? Part of me will always wanna keep everything. But I know that that won't allow me to have the home that I want. So I notice it, that piece that wants to keep everything. I allow that feeling. And then I start throwing stuff out because ultimately what I want more is the organized house.
<00:10:29> Kayla Levin: All right. So it's the same thing with your calendar. I might want all the things on my list, but I also wanna sleep. Right. And I also want a little bit of spaciousness or I want a calendar that doesn't stress me out. Right. And so it's okay. There's some things, it might be hard to say this thing's not gonna fit on my list anymore.
<00:10:48> Kayla Levin: I can take a minute, but then I need to be willing to make that decision. So we have this kind of beautiful space where on the one hand I choose everything. It's all what I want. And to have the life I want, I have to be willing to cut things out. At least for this week, right? If it's important, it can happen again later.
<00:11:07> Kayla Levin: So it's kind of this middle ground that we learn to live in. I'm choosing it. And sometimes I'm choosing to cut. Writing down your full list of what you wanna do before even opening up your calendar is ideal. This is the process that I teach inside of How to Glow, because you want to separate the brainstorming from the planning.
<00:11:28> Kayla Levin: Okay. You can't write out your list of things that you wanna accomplish. If you're also trying to figure out when you're going to accomplish them and a lot of people make this mistake. So it's very simple fix you. Just brainstorm first and schedule second. There are two different processes. Okay.
Troubleshooting
<00:11:44> Kayla Levin: Troubleshooting. Here's the next challenge, which is not being willing to troubleshoot when the system doesn't work. Right. So you have your great schedule and then one week you realize it's Wednesday and you totally didn't do your schedule. So one option is to say, oh, the system didn't work but the truth is there's no system that works or doesn't work, no planner works or doesn't work.
<00:12:02> Kayla Levin: They're all arbitrary. And I'm, I'm telling you, I love a good planner. I'm the kind of girl that would just really have a lot of fun. but. With planners, but why does the planner work? Because I wanna look at it when I look at it, I think this is so pretty. It's so fun to plan when a routine is solid. I usually have thoughts like this has to get done before I go to bed or start my day, or it's so much easier for me to take care of this tonight versus in the morning.
<00:12:28> Kayla Levin: This is just the way I do things. Those are the thoughts that I'm having.
<00:12:33> Kayla Levin: The thoughts are what is causing the system or the planner to work or not work? It has nothing to do with the actual system that I chose or the planner that I chose. So please allow your inner perfectionist to just move to the side. Just acknowledge all systems require troubleshooting, and there's no one giving you a grade for following a system.
<00:12:52> Kayla Levin: Perfect. Thank God. right. So if you wanna follow my Zero Based Calendar and you decide, I don't like it being zero based, I actually want wide open space in between items on the zero based calendar. And that's the exact opposite of what Kayla teaches. Go for it. Cause there's no one checking. You're an adult.
<00:13:12> Kayla Levin: You get to make that decision. Right. It's very cool. So on the one hand, we love the system and it gives us structure and it gives us a place to start. On the other hand, once I get to troubleshooting, I can throw out whatever isn't serving me and, and customize it to meet my needs.
Final Challenge: How Important Happiness Is to Your Husband
<00:13:25> Kayla Levin: I wanna challenge you to consider that you have no idea how important your happiness is to your husband.
<00:13:32> Kayla Levin: This is the final challenge, which is throwing out things or adding more things to your calendar because you think, either he's not willing to give you the extra help or he really needs the house to look a certain way, or he really wants you to look, whatever the thing is. Right. So I want you to consider that maybe you're wrong about that.
<00:13:51> Kayla Levin: Okay. And not only does your husband wanna see you happy. In a typical situation, unless, unless it's just been a really long time since he's made you happy or whatever it is, right. In a typical situation, he really wants to make you happy. And especially if he's the one who feels he contributed to your happiness, often I will hear women say they, their husband wants a clean house, but then I hear the husband say that they wish she wouldn't work so hard.
<00:14:16> Kayla Levin: So she wouldn't be so stressed out all the time. I don't think they're such idiots that they can't figure out that if you didn't work so hard, the house wouldn't be as clean . Right. So I don't wanna go too, too deep into this, this week, because I feel like this gets a lot into the relationship piece and kind of veers off of the calendar and scheduling piece.
<00:14:33> Kayla Levin: But I do feel like it's important to put there because I wanna open your mind to that possibility just to go through life with the lens that it's possible, that you've chosen his priorities for him. That you might be wrong about it could be very, very liberating and give you a very different approach to your entire schedule and calendar.
<00:14:51> Kayla Levin: Maybe you try a day where you take it a little bit more easy, but the caveat for that is you need to really enjoy it and be relaxed and he should be able to tell the difference cause if he comes home and all you are is a ball of guilt and shame that you didn't get all the things done that you normally get done. And that's all he sees, then this was not a good trade off. Right. Make sense. Like you didn't work hard. Okay. So in theory, you should be more relaxed, but actually you feel terrible. So he is very likely to just say, well, maybe tomorrow you should do all the things you normally do, cuz you don't look very happy.
<00:15:22> Kayla Levin: Okay. Again, we can try and go back to scheduling, but I wanted to include that.
Final Thought
<00:15:26> Kayla Levin: One final thought. Not doing anything in your house or for your kids is not actually enjoyable for many of. But we kind of sometimes think that's what we want. I had a really fascinating session with a client a while ago, who was trying to figure out how to relax.
<00:15:44> Kayla Levin: But when we dug in, she realized that tidying up the apartment was actually relaxing to her. Right. So she kept trying to get herself to like get over the guilt of sitting on the couch. And finally we realized it wasn't guilt she was feeling, she was feeling uncomfortable. Right. What she wanted to be doing was tidying up.
<00:16:01> Kayla Levin: It was a very relaxing activity for her. Especially cuz we get to enjoy that space afterwards. So I'm not saying everyone needs to go become Martha Stewart, but sometimes we do lean too far to the other side. And I just wanna reintroduce that idea for you, cuz I think for some of you, it's gonna be a huge relief to realize cleaning tidying chores.
<00:16:20> Kayla Levin: They are not implicitly stressful activities. They don't create your stress. Only your thoughts about them. So you don't have to cut them out for you to feel happy. You don't have to cut them out for you to enjoy your life. Right. We can have different thoughts about them and then be able to have the emotional experience that we want.
<00:16:41> Kayla Levin: All right. If you love this episode, please make sure to join us before September so we can do this work together. I wanna meet you. I wanna support you. I wanna coach you and get you a schedule that you love. We're gonna have live coaching calls and you're gonna get instant access to my time management for Jewish women online mini course.
<00:16:58> Kayla Levin: The second you sign up and you can do that at KaylaLevin.com/coaching. I'll also be linking some related episodes here about the zero based calendar, like right in the show notes. So you can check those. Okay. My friends have an amazing, amazing week. See you back here next week. Bye-bye.