Ep. 161 - When Your Husband Is Struggling
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In this week’s podcast I’m sharing a tool for when your husband is struggling.
There are three situations I’m addressing today:
When your husband is going through a major transition or priority shift
When your husband is struggling with something about you (whether that’s in your control or not)
When your husband is dealing with a crisis (such as mental or health crisis, job loss, death of a family member)
How can we support him without taking responsibility for what he’s struggling with, or rushing in to try to fix it?
Listen today to get a simple tool you can apply in any situation when your husband is struggling.
Resources from this week's episode: How to Glow online community
Transcript:
<00:00:00> Kayla Levin: Episode 161. When Your Husband is Struggling.
<00:00:38> Kayla Levin: Welcome back my friends. I'm so excited to share this tool with you this week. This is the kind of tool that we all need at some point in our marriage. There's no question. There's nobody who doesn't need or deal with their spouse struggling and needs to find a way to manage that process effectively.
<00:00:59> Kayla Levin: We're so busy when our spouses are struggling in their story and what they're going through and our heads are over there. It's very easy to forget what's going on with us and it makes all the difference. And so I'm very excited to be sharing this tool. It's my, my favorite tools are the ones that we can use on the go.
<00:01:16> Kayla Levin: Bring back up. They're easy to remember and they really make a huge difference. And so that's what we're gonna be doing today. Before we get started. I do wanna tell you that I was on The Meaningful People Podcast and that came out Motzei Shabbos. So go check that out.
<00:01:31> Kayla Levin: If you're interested. They have of course so many amazing episodes and it was really such an honor and a pleasure to be over there. All right. So back to our husbands who are struggling, or if they're not save this episode, cause we're all human and we're all gonna struggle at some point.
<00:01:46> Kayla Levin: And you'll probably struggle with him struggling. Right.
The Three Types of Husband Struggles
<00:01:49> Kayla Levin: So I kind of wanted to start by breaking this down into three different types of struggle because the tool's gonna apply a little bit differently. You do the same work, but I wanna paint the picture for you so that you really understand it.
<00:02:01> Kayla Levin: So in one type it's just your husband's going through something, right? It's like, this is actually the hardest one to identify because there might not be such a clear trigger. You might really not notice it until you're in it, but he's going through some kind of identity, transition, priority, transition, you know, nothing specifically happened.
<00:02:20> Kayla Levin: Right. That's like a major crisis, but he's shifting somehow in who he is. So I'm gonna call that just he's going through something. All right.
<00:02:29> Kayla Levin: The second one is when your husband is struggling with something about you and it doesn't actually really matter whether it's something that you could theoretically fix.
<00:02:38> Kayla Levin: Like, let's say you tend to be late to things and he's very punctual, or he wants you to sort of maintain a house in a different way than you are. Or if it's something that's completely outside of your control, he wishes you were three inches taller or something you just can't really do anything about.
<00:02:52> Kayla Levin: Okay. Either way. Number two is he's struggling with something about you.
<00:02:56> Kayla Levin: Number three. Your husband is dealing with his own crisis. This is the most obvious one. This is the one where we can tell that this is happening, right? Because something happened. And we know that we, we expect him to go through a crisis.
<00:03:10> Kayla Levin: It doesn't mean that we always navigate that so smoothly. And so that's why I'm offering this tool for this as well. So what do I mean by crisis? It could be a health crisis. It could be a loss of a parent or family member. It could be job loss. It could be a mental health crisis, like depression or anxiety.
<00:03:26> Kayla Levin: Right. So he's dealing with something, you know, what it is that he's dealing with and you're figuring out how to navigate it.
What We Do When He's Struggling
<00:03:32> Kayla Levin: So what do we normally try to do when our husbands are struggling? And by the way, I just wanna say, I know that there are guys who listen to this podcast, too. All of this works both ways.
<00:03:41> Kayla Levin: I'm gonna say husband, but you can. I know you're all very intelligent and capable of translating. This is one of those episodes that really is gonna work. This is, this is just dealing with humans. This is not gender specific at all. So what we usually try to do when our husband is struggling is we try to make it better.
<00:04:00> Kayla Levin: Right? We wanna make it better. We want them to feel better. We worry about them. We try to think of suggestions solutions. If we have solutions. We hint at them or expressed them. And if we're perfectly honest, sometimes we even get a little frustrated because maybe they don't seem to be taking our suggestions or, or even if it's not our suggestions, like maybe the doctor said they should be doing something and they're not doing it.
<00:04:23> Kayla Levin: Or you know, that there's a certain, you know, way that they could go through this process faster or more efficiently or more effectively, you learn this thing in coaching and you wish they would just run a model. right. We can also get frustrated, watching someone go through something. We can get frustrated, watching someone struggle. And what I want you to consider. Is whether that is coming from a place in which you are struggling to tolerate their discomfort. Okay. What do I mean by that? If there's a feeling of urgency, right?
<00:05:03> Kayla Levin: If there's some anxiety on your part, if you want this fixed now or yesterday, it probably means that watching them go through this struggle. Is kind of intolerable for you. And I don't mean it actually, as like, you really can't tolerate it, you can tolerate it and I'm gonna show you how. But in that moment, you're struggling to tolerate it.
<00:05:25> Kayla Levin: I think we see this with our kids, right? If our kids are struggling, I know with my kids, like at first I just, I wanna rush in and fix it for them. I wanna offer all the solutions. I wanna tell them what they could do better. I, I don't wanna just let them go, you know, and figure it out for themselves. Like I want to fix it and if, and if I'm struggling to fix it.
<00:05:44> Kayla Levin: And first of all, if I don't catch myself doing this right, If I don't catch myself doing it and I'm trying to fix it for them, or I'm trying to guide them and lead them and they don't take my advice or they even take it and they're still struggling. I can even get frustrated with them. Right. Same thing with our husband, same thing with any major relationship in our lives is that we struggle so much when we see them going through something.
<00:06:07> Kayla Levin: So what we need to be able to do to not be focusing on, right. We don't wanna be driven by our own need for comfort. We wanna be driven by what's best for them is we have to know how to tolerate their discomfort. And it's so fascinating when you think about it, because whatever they're going through, doesn't go into you. Right? Like his discomfort doesn't become your discomfort. It's not contagious. It's not like you are experiencing it. Exactly. Right. It's whatever your story is about what they're going through.
<00:06:42> Kayla Levin: Right. And of course we know everyone's supposed to have challenges and struggles and you know, like this idea of life maybe is 50 50 of positive and negative could try to like try on those ideas. But if you don't believe them in that moment, it's not gonna work. It's gonna just bounce out. Okay.
<00:07:02> Kayla Levin: So the first thing that I like to do. Is I just like to identify what's happening, which is either like, oh, this is part of the negative part of life, which could be really helpful sometimes like, oh, oh, my brain is trying to say, like, I shouldn't have to feel negative, but when I go like, wait, oh, that's what's happening right now. It's the part of life.
<00:07:24> Kayla Levin: That's not easy. , that's what I'm experiencing actually releases all the resistance. And the resistance is what's causing me to suffer. The not wanting to go through this is what's causing me to suffer. And it's amazing cuz I'm not even the one going through it. right. I'm not wanting to watch the other person go through it.
<00:07:44> Kayla Levin: I'm not wanting them to have to go through it, whether I'm watching it or not. I'm not wanting reality to happen. And that's creating so much suffering for me. So I first need to just identify what's happening. I could say, oh, this is part of the negative part. Sometimes I like think of it as, oh, this is me growing.
<00:08:02> Kayla Levin: Sometimes when I'm doing something and it's outside my comfort zone and it's really hard on me. You're like, oh, this is me growing. I have to become a bigger person. I have to become a better person. I have to become someone who can do more in the world. And these are the growing pains. Okay. When I identify that it allows me to drop the resistance of the story.
<00:08:23> Kayla Levin: This shouldn't be happening, which is behind so much of our discomfort. This shouldn't be happening. This shouldn't be happening. Just let it go. Like, no, this is exactly part of life. Okay. The other piece I wanna offer you for how to tolerate your own discomfort is to tune into your body and just really listen to what your body needs.
<00:08:46> Kayla Levin: Okay. When I'm going through something major, I know I need a lot of rest. I know I need water the way I eat changes. Right. I usually need to just like tune out and read a book. That's completely distracting from my life. Like that's, if I'm in high, high, high stress, if I tune into my body, I know immediately and exactly what it is that I need to start getting back on track.
<00:09:09> Kayla Levin: Okay. So I'm watching them. I'm reminding myself. Oh, right. This is supposed to happen. It's okay. That this is happening, even though it might be uncomfortable for me to watch. And then I'm tuning into my body and I'm just checking in. What am I experiencing? Where am I experiencing this in my body? How does this feel physically?
<00:09:30> Kayla Levin: And what do, what could I do to support myself right now? Your body always has the answer to that.
<00:09:36> Kayla Levin: What we're able to offer. Once we've done that work is profound. If we've done the work to be able to tolerate the discomfort and again, watch it. I'm not saying get rid of the discomfort. I'm not saying, let's say a lot of us just sent our kids back to school. What if they have a teacher that they hate?
<00:09:55> Kayla Levin: What if they cried the whole first day? What you know? Right. Like what if they're really struggling in that transition? I don't need to be able to be okay with it. I don't need to be able to feel excited about it or positive about. I just wanna be able to tolerate it. Okay. Because if I can tolerate it, then I'm not kind of triggered by it.
<00:10:16> Kayla Levin: I'm not acting to avoid the discomfort that I'm feeling. Oh, this is the discomfort. It's hard for me as a mother to watch this. It's hard for me as a spouse to watch this. Got it. Here's what discomfort feels like. Here's how I'm gonna take care of myself. Okay. I'm just gonna claim this discomfort as part of my life for a little while.
<00:10:36> Kayla Levin: And not make that a problem.
How to Offer Support with Space
<00:10:38> Kayla Levin: Okay. If I'm able to do that, and you're all able to do that. What you're able to offer to your husband when you've done this work is space and love.
<00:10:50> Kayla Levin: And I'm gonna talk about this, but this is the most valuable thing you can possibly offer. And I want you to see why
<00:10:56> Kayla Levin: when we offer someone space. And I don't mean, oh, okay. You're struggling. I'm gonna go to my room and tune out and I'll see you in three weeks. No, no, no, no. That's not what I mean by space. What I mean, by space is I'm watching and witnessing and I'm not rushing into your world. I'm not rushing into your life.
<00:11:14> Kayla Levin: I'm not rushing into what you're gonna do, and I'm not rushing into your feelings or thoughts. Okay. Those of you who've been listening to the podcast a long time and some of my clients, sometimes it's, it's, it's hard to deal with people when, you know, it's a model when, you know, it's a thought and a story that they're dealing with and like, you could see how they could think differently.
<00:11:31> Kayla Levin: So you can use this with your friends also, right? What I'm, what I'm offering this person in this moment is this space to figure it out. Why is that so profound? Because when I'm rushing in to try and fix it for you, when I'm reacting to my own urgency and my own discomfort, I'm sending the message that you aren't gonna figure this out and you need to be rescued.
<00:11:56> Kayla Levin: And when I offer space here I am. I'm witnessing you. I'm empathizing with you and I'm ready to see how you're gonna figure it out. If you wanna ask me for some help, I'm here to support you. If there's something I could do, let me know. But I'm keeping the ball is in your court, right? I'm not directing the show here.
<00:12:16> Kayla Levin: I'm not in charge. You let me know if you need something. But I'm on the sidelines and I'm just rooting you on. Okay. When I do that, you, you can hear it energetically, right? The difference between like, well, what should we do about that? How could we, do you need me to call the teacher? Do you want me to talk to your boss?
<00:12:32> Kayla Levin: Do you want me to this? Right. Like when I'm in their space, I'm not offering them the space to work it out for themself, which is of course what they need. So that they can accomplish so that they can, they can fix this problem for themselves. It's so fascinating to me when, when some of, sometimes when our husbands are down or they're struggling and they're, they're taking a beating in their self esteem and what do we do?
<00:12:55> Kayla Levin: We buy into the story. We're like, oh my gosh, maybe you are helpless. Let me help you. No, please don't do that. right. If he's taking a beating on his, self-esteem what he needs is you on the sidelines going like, but I know you got this figured out. You all forgot that that you're super capable and competent, but I'm not worried about you.
<00:13:15> Kayla Levin: You got this, let me know if you need anything. What they don't need is us coming. Oh my gosh. It sounds like you're really struggling. How are you gonna deal with this? So you gonna be okay. Of course he's gonna be okay. you're belief in him is the strongest and most powerful thing that you can offer.
<00:13:33> Kayla Levin: And the way you offer that is with space.
How to Support with Love
<00:13:38> Kayla Levin: And love. And what does love look like? It's just the way you're offering the space. I'm I'm not offering you space, cuz I'm like, this is awkward and uncomfortable and hard for me to watch. I'm just gonna back off. No, I'm here. I'm loving you. I'm offering you space. I'm believing in you. I'm supporting you.
<00:13:57> Kayla Levin: That's the love. Okay. You wanna throw. You know his favorite coffee or whatever, while you're at it, you could do that too. right. People could use a little extra boost, but you're not loving him to try and make him feel better. You're not, you're not trying to get him to get over it. Right. You're not trying to rush anything along.
<00:14:15> Kayla Levin: Cause you've got all the space in the world.
When He is Going Through Something
<00:14:21> Kayla Levin: So let's say he's going through something. This is something we just went through in our house. Okay. My husband was laid off. It was intellectually, he knew it was exactly what he wanted. We'd already had some conversations about how this industry was, had really drained a lot of energy over the years, and he was ready for a different, a different direction in his life, but it came faster than he expected.
<00:14:43> Kayla Levin: Didn't expect a layoff specifically. He expected to move outta the industry. And it meant a lot of shuffling in our, and it still means a lot of shuffling in our lives and priorities. Right? It's meant he's home more. He's learning way more. Thank God, but right. There's a whole shuffle in terms of how we do things and what he does and what I do and how this works and how much, you know, I'm in, you know, enabled now to do more things.
<00:15:08> Kayla Levin: And it's requiring an identity shift for him. This guy's been doing the same thing for 13 years. And he is been playing the same role in our family for 13 years. It's a major shift. And at first I was like trying to just fix it all. I didn't know. This is the one that I offered you in the beginning. Right?
<00:15:25> Kayla Levin: It's that we don't really actually notice this is happening until we notice it's happening. It's not like a crisis where I know something happened. We were happy about the layoff. So it wasn't a crisis. Normally a layoff would be a crisis, right? Until I was able to realize like, oh, he's going through something.
<00:15:43> Kayla Levin: All the resistance went away and I was immediately able to check into giving him space. To lock into that emotion, that feeling that energy, because I was like, oh, if he's just going through something, he just needs to figure this out. I don't need to keep diving in there with my suggestions and my new calendars and my new priority lists and my new ideas.
<00:16:00> Kayla Levin: And like, maybe you should learn longer and maybe you should do this, or maybe you should do, he's got this, but it takes time to do these things. It takes time to work it out. Right.
When It's About You
<00:16:10> Kayla Levin: Let's say he's struggling with something about you. I think this is the most profoundly valuable thing you can offer yourself is to be giving him space and love on this one, because what normally happens, whether it's something like quote unquote in your control or not.
<00:16:27> Kayla Levin: Okay. And of course we all have different opinions. He probably has a different opinion about whether it's in your control than you do. And all of those things when he's struggling with something about you, it. This like firestorm of emotions. I know because I coach on this all the time. On the one hand, there's this pull to want to make him happy and be the person that he wants.
<00:16:49> Kayla Levin: Maybe that's, that's important to him. And I wanna be a good wife and I, I want him to be happy. So some of it's not being able to tolerate his discomfort. Some of it's sort of wanting to just show up as well as you can. And like, this might be a valid thing, to work on. And it very quickly adds in resentment and frustration and blame come into the picture.
<00:17:09> Kayla Levin: Like it's not even fair for him to ask that of me. What about all of his failings? I there's not even anything wrong with this. We just function differently. Right? Like all of this becomes the, the language and the story and this, again, this like mental firestorm of like, what's wrong with this whole picture. Okay.
<00:17:28> Kayla Levin: And you might not even want to offer him anything like space and love right now, because you're so frustrated that he has any issue with you. So, first of all, just remember, you probably have an issue with him you just might be less vocal about it. But when you offer space and love, when his complaint has to do with you, it's really amazing because what you're doing is you're no longer gonna work on this because you can't handle him struggling.
<00:17:58> Kayla Levin: Cause here's the thing you both get to take up space in this relationship. Some of you struggle anytime he's struggling with anything remotely related to you could be extended family members that now wouldn't be in his life. If he wasn't married to you or whatever, you know, like a financial, maybe he knew that you came in with some credit card debt and you're married now, but now he's struggling with the credit card debt or whatever the thing is.
<00:18:21> Kayla Levin: My husband has to deal with me having diabetes a lot. Right. My blood sugar tanks. And I'm like not functional for the next hour until I get reregulated and I feel better. He has to deal with that. And so for some of you, I wanna remind you that you get to take up space in this relationship. It's okay for him to struggle because of you, you struggle because of him, you are both where the other one is going to grow in some ways.
<00:18:50> Kayla Levin: And this doesn't mean we never try and accommodate what our partner needs. What it means is I'm gonna offer you the space to deal with the reality that we have right now. Okay. So let's go, let's go with my medical thing. I can't control the fact that I have type one diabetes. Can't do anything about that.
<00:19:07> Kayla Levin: Okay. If I'm so urgently trying to make it better for him. Sometimes my blood, sugar's not good. And then like, we really have to just stop everything that's happening so I can fix it and I can make sure I'm safe and I'm healthy and everything's okay. I'm not gonna do a good job of actually taking care of myself.
<00:19:27> Kayla Levin: I'm gonna try and look for a really quick fix a patch job, right. Of what I need to do when I give myself permission to cause some friction in my husband's life. Now I have the energy and the space to consider what would make me healthier. What would work better for me? Maybe I wanna do this a little differently because I'm not so urgently trying to make that go away. His, his discomfort make sense.
<00:19:59> Kayla Levin: Let's say it's, you know, I'm, I'm really messy. And my husband comes from a really tidy home and that it's my responsibility. The way that we worked out our relationship is that I'm responsible for how, how the home looks. Or even if it's not, I just leave a mess.
<00:20:11> Kayla Levin: Right. We're both equally responsible and I leave a mess or he's responsible and I leave a mess. I just keep leave. I just leave a little mess behind me, wherever I go. Let's say that's how I grew up. That's how I've always been. He grew up in a very tidy home. He's really struggling with that. So if I'm in that space of I can't tolerate that discomfort that he's having. I'm gonna do two things first. I'm gonna try and like shove myself into becoming a person who doesn't leave a mess. Probably not effective behavior change happens a little bit at a time. Okay. So it's gonna be ineffective. It's gonna be a patch job. Then when I fail, I'm gonna get mad at him because he knew I was like this when we were dating.
<00:20:50> Kayla Levin: I mean, it's not like I lied, so really what's his problem. And anyway, like I'm taking care of all these little children. And he doesn't even know how hard my life is. And does he know that I didn't even have breakfast yet today and no. Right. It's gonna go on and on and on. It's gonna become just like, you know, this, this narrative of resentment and frustration, because why, because actually at that point I felt so bad about the failure.
<00:21:10> Kayla Levin: It was much easier to just be angry and resentful. That's kind of another podcast. It's also one of the classes in the first year married course. So there's a plug right there. Go join How to Glow and you can listen to that class on resentment. But before we go to that, right, if. Go. Yeah, I am a person who leaves a mess.
<00:21:28> Kayla Levin: He's right. And him struggling with that pretty valid. I can get why he'd be struggling with that. Right? Cause sometimes we wanna invalidate their struggle with us and we don't even invalidate it totally valid. And I'm gonna hold space and love for him to figure that out. You got married to a woman who has a, a different tendency than you.
<00:21:53> Kayla Levin: I know you can work that out. I know you can figure that out. It might take you a while. You might not wanna work on it yet. Right? I might just use struggle with it for a while, and I'm gonna tolerate the discomfort of seeing you struggle with me. Okay. Now that I have that space, first of all, do you care how much less energy and attention and mental space needs to be dedicated to defending myself against this attack?
<00:22:19> Kayla Levin: There's no attack. He's struggling. And I was struggling with him struggling. I can just stop struggling with him struggling. And now he is just struggling. Okay. I don't have to resist that part of his life is to struggle with the fact that his wife is messy. I don't need to resist it. I don't need to defend it.
<00:22:34> Kayla Levin: I don't need to get all involved in it and I don't need to fix it. And now I can ask myself, do I wanna fix it now that I'm okay with what he's going through? I might wanna. I've shared on the podcast before, when I stopped beating myself up for not being a very expert, housekeeper and homemaker, I realized I really like it when my house is tidy and I actually really enjoy a lot of household tasks.
<00:23:00> Kayla Levin: Believe it or not, I don't enjoy when there's more than I can imagine having time for, but just the act of sitting there and washing dishes. I usually have a podcast or I've got some interesting thoughts in my head. Like doesn't bother me to wash dishes. There's nothing about maintaining my house. That bothers me.
<00:23:14> Kayla Levin: But when I was so busy beating myself up, that I wasn't doing it the way that I thought I was supposed to be doing it. I couldn't realize that I just hated everything about the house. So it's the same thing here. If you're not beating yourself up about whatever his issue is with you, then if it is something you might wanna change, you can consider that and you'll have a lot more energy to move forward.
When Your Husband is Dealing With Crisis
<00:23:39> Kayla Levin: Finally, I wanna talk about when he's dealing with his own crisis, right? So this is like, he has, you know, he gets fired, he's depressed. He fails a lot of tests and he is not able to get his, you know, certificate or degree or whatever. He loses a family member, someone close to him, right. Medical, mental health crisis.
<00:23:56> Kayla Levin: So what does space and love look like? This one can be really hard, right? Let's say he's supposed to be doing certain things and he's not doing. You know, he could be taking better care of himself. And so it can be a, a battle of like, but I need to, because the doctor said he needs to do these things.
<00:24:16> Kayla Levin: So obviously, you know, if like something is a life threatening situation, you might need to just talk to the doctor and figure that out. But often what it is is like this day to day management of. Or watching him go through the grief and we have all this. We, we really know, like I know about the stages of grief or I know about how he's supposed to be managing this condition, or I know like how he could start applying for a new job.
<00:24:36> Kayla Levin: And then he wouldn't have to feel so bad that he got fired. Cuz he'd have a new job already. I know what he could be doing. I don't even see him hunting for jobs right now. What's the problem what's going on? I've got, I've got a whole agenda when I'm honest with myself about how he should be dealing with his crisis.
<00:24:52> Kayla Levin: And that's so exhausting cuz now instead of managing your life, which if your husband's in a crisis, you need to manage your life intentionally because he's offline. You don't have the head space to manage his crisis, to support him, to be there with him, for sure. But to resist the whole way he's going through it.
<00:25:12> Kayla Levin: We don't really know how he's supposed to go through it. We can't know that. But this is the one that I, you know, it talked about in the beginning of what we can offer him is I know you're gonna get through this. I have all the confidence in the world in you, and you might need a lot more support from me than you're used to getting.
<00:25:32> Kayla Levin: Especially with a crisis. You want me to read your cover letter? I got, you want me to remind you wanna take your meds? I got you, right. Want me to just give you a pep talk every time you have to go talk to your therapist, cuz it's really hard for you. I could do. But you tell me what you need. You let me know when I offer you a suggestion.
<00:25:49> Kayla Levin: It's not because I'm trying to hound you. I'm not trying to make this go away. I'm accepting. Remember we're in this for the long haul. We're gonna be married to this guy for decades, please. God, we're both gonna go through crises. Let's just part of being a human being. So what I want in, in this case, if this is what you're dealing with, I want you to just consider like, oh, this is crisis mode.
<00:26:16> Kayla Levin: And what crisis mode looks like is I'm being supportive. I gotta take care of myself, gotta get myself some extra help. Right? If, if let's say you've got a lot of kids or you've got a really busy schedule or whatever, you're managing a lot together and now more is gonna be on your plate. What do you need to be able to be that supportive person?
<00:26:32> Kayla Levin: What do you need to be able to function to be okay yourself? That's where your energy needs to be. Resisting that you're in a crisis or worrying about how long this crisis is gonna take is not gonna help you. It's not gonna help we're in crisis. Not sure how long we're gonna be here, but we can do this. And I'm gonna do that with space and love.
<00:26:54> Kayla Levin: And what I believe happens when we offer space and love to someone who's in crisis. Isn't that it happens faster. But I think that the process they need to go through can happen more thoroughly. We don't wanna rush someone into a new job. We don't wanna rush someone through the grieving process.
<00:27:14> Kayla Levin: We don't wanna rush someone to fix their problem if they can fix it thoroughly. Right. So I'm not saying they'll never have to circle back. The grief will never reemerge. They'll never struggle. Never struggle. But what I wanna say is that when I offer space and love, I, I don't know how exactly this is supposed to look and I'm able to offer them if I'm okay, you don't need to rush on my account.
<00:27:42> Kayla Levin: You can do this. Right. And now when they come. It's fully done. It's done in the way that they need it. Which again, we don't know, but they're gonna figure that out.
My Offer to You
<00:27:53> Kayla Levin: Okay. My friends, I think this is something I'm so excited about you being able to offer, just, you can just use that term space and love whenever you need to call it back up.
<00:28:05> Kayla Levin: And I want you to know that I've got all this space and love for you. some of you might be thinking, this sounds really hard to. I totally know, you can figure it out.
<00:28:15> Kayla Levin: So if this work is speaking to you, if you know that this is the next thing that you need to be doing in your own growth in your own marriage.
<00:28:22> Kayla Levin: I want you to join How to Glow today. And I don't just want you to join. I want you to make a commitment that you're gonna be on that very next coaching call. And you're gonna raise your hand and you're gonna bring this on so I can coach you personally, and we can find any roadblocks you're having in bringing this out in your life and growing from this experience and being able to tolerate the discomfort, even if the discomfort is because they're struggling with something about you so that you can show up with space and love.
<00:28:52> Kayla Levin: All right. Sending lots of love to all of you. Have a wonderful, wonderful week. Bye-bye.