Episode 177- Why I Quit Social Media

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It's been years of back-and-forth and finally I've logged off the social media giants.

I love sharing this here, since I hear often from those of you who aren't on social media at all and sometimes you tell me you feel like you're missing out on content that I'm sharing over there.

And now--you are for sure not!

I'm excited to be putting more of my creative energy into my podcasting, my email exchanges with you all, and of course my How to Glow coaching membership.

One of the best pieces of coaching I ever got was about making decisions. Instead of weighing the pros and cons, the idea is to look at your reasons–they tell you everything.

My reasons for staying on social media (specifically IG and Facebook) aren’t great, but they were enough to keep me on for a while. Primarily, the decision was based on fear. Fear that those who might need my work wouldn’t find me. Fear that my business would suffer. 

Then I remembered I’m not G-d. 

My reasons for leaving are unique to me (so I am certainly not casting judgment) but I know that I get super curious about how other people make these decisions so for that reason, I’ll share them for whoever is interested…

I’m a better parent when I’m not on social media. I’d love to say “with coaching all things are possible” and I certainly know there are wonderful parents out there who ARE on social and have worked out a balance that is right for them. For me, these two come into conflict too often.

Publishing on social feels inauthentic to me as someone who is so deeply concerned with promoting mental health and wellbeing. Every study I have found (with the one exception of the one Facebook funded) has shown significant correlation between social media use and mental distress.

I’ve found that I’m not great at moderation. I’m more of an all-or-nothing type. I don’t want to spend mental space or discipline on NOT checking social.

Whenever I take social media detox breaks I find myself surprised by how quickly and dramatically my mental landscape changes. I stop feeling like “life” is happening online. I get calmer. I feel less pulled. I surprisingly don’t feel any FOMO.

Social media doesn’t allow you to control what you consume, so I often feel like I’m shaking off a disturbing post or even something as simple as an image that makes me feel just 1% less like I measure up. 

I want to offer deep, high-quality material. I like long-form, deep thinking. I think I’m better at it. So I’ll be increasing my focus on written articles, email, and podcasting, which are more natural avenues for me. 

Finally, B”H, the How to Glow coaching program is growing and thriving and the community is my first priority in my business. Going with the mantra: do fewer things better. (If you need an invitation to join us, this is it!)

I’ve gained from being on social by having new people in my life that I deeply value that I don’t know how else I would have met. So I hope those of you who feel compelled to stay in touch do so, either by joining my email list or via WhatsApp (Zuckerberg can still have that one 😛)

I love my reasons for leaving social media. And love that we all got to connect ♥️

PS

There are some incredible interviews coming out in the next few weeks. I debated putting this off so I could more fully promote them, but some decisions are better made now than later. Definitely make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Ep 177 - Why I quit social media

<00:00:00> Kayla Levin: Episode 177. Why I quit social media <00:00:03> Kayla Levin: Hello my friends. So those of you who are on the Instagrams and the Facebooks and the socials know that I recently got off of social media and this week I'm excited to tell you all about it. This is in no way a must schmooze. I am not here to tell anyone what to do, however, because this has been something so on my mind for really a lot of years at this point, this decision of whether I wanted to be on social media or not, and I'm specifically talking about Facebook and Instagram. <00:01:06> Kayla Levin: I'm still on LinkedIn. I decided that it was worth it to me to stay there. A, because I don't really like the platform, so I don't spend time there. Maybe one day I'll learn to like it, and b, because it's such a helpful way for me to connect as a businesswoman, with podcast guests <00:01:20> Kayla Levin: and I'm on WhatsApp, which is technically social media, although that was surprising to me when I. . So what I wanted to talk about today was my decision because as I was struggling with this decision for myself for such a long time, it was so helpful for me to hear from other people and how they made those decisions for themselves. <00:01:37> Kayla Levin: Both for and against. And really, I don't talk about this. I'm actually gonna, what I wanna do is read to you the post that I put up on Instagram and Facebook, which has an image that says, this is my last post. And just to sort of give my thought process and some of the main things that went into my decision to leave social media, I'm actually recording this now already a couple weeks post. <00:02:00> Kayla Levin: I recorded one right away and I didn't like it, so I'm rerecording it and I'm kind of looking forward to reading back through it. , to be totally honest, because having now had this out of my life for a couple weeks, I think I'm in a very different place already mentally than I was, when I first wrote this post. <00:02:16> Kayla Levin: Again, this is not here for me to tell anyone what they, they should be doing or for me to say I'm in some way better or firmer or anything like that. But I do think that for any of us who, any of all of us are living in a time where there are so many new things available that have not been around long enough for us, us to really understand the impact on our wellbeing and our lives, it's worth making sure that we're being intent. <00:02:43> Kayla Levin: So whatever your decision, I don't know what the right decision is for everybody, for anybody except for myself. But I do know that being intentional is, is critical for all of us. And I also just wanna say, that ultimately I feel like this is really an intuitive decision. <00:02:59> Kayla Levin: Um, I asked a lot of shiloh's, like a lot, probably more than I should have or needed to about me being on social media. Completely across the board that it was perfectly fine for me to be there, to be using it, to promote my business. And that was actually one of the most confusing things for me because, if it was fine, then it wasn't clear to me why I was still feeling so conflicted. <00:03:22> Kayla Levin: And sometimes we need to not be so intellectual about our decisions . And when I finally gave myself permission to just do what my gut was clearly telling me to do, it was so obvious that getting off of Facebook and Instagram was the answer. I know there's people who are just like not so affected and like, not that plugged in. <00:03:46> Kayla Levin: Um, I found them to be like really quite influential in my, my thought processes and in my time and in my, you know, all sorts of things. Why I Left Social Media --- <00:03:55> Kayla Levin: All right, so here is the post that I sent out, announcing whatever, not that I was ever, some, some big influencer or anything, but that I was leaving social media. <00:04:04> Kayla Levin: It says one of the best pieces of coaching I ever got was about making decisions instead of weighing the pros and cons. The idea is to look at your reasons. They tell you everything. My reasons for staying on social media specifically, Instagram and Facebook aren't great, but they were enough to keep me on for a while. <00:04:22> Kayla Levin: Primarily, the decision was based on fear. Fear that those who might need my work wouldn't find me fear that my business would suffer. Then I remembered I'm not God. My reasons for leaving are unique to me, so I'm certainly not casting judgment, but I know that I get super curious about how other people make these decisions. <00:04:40> Kayla Levin: So for that reason, I'll share them for whoever is interested. And then this is just a bunch of bullet points. My Parenting --- <00:04:46> Kayla Levin: So the first bullet is, I'm a better parent when I'm not on social media. I'd love to say with coaching all things are possible, and I certainly know that there are wonderful parents out there who are on social and have worked out a balance that is right for them. <00:05:00> Kayla Levin: For me, these two come into conflict too. . Okay, so a side note on this one, I think I'll just comment on each of these as we go now that I, as I said, I've been here for a couple weeks now. I coach on this a lot and I think that there, you know, as if you've been listening to the podcast for a little while, you know that there's this idea of buffering, which is like what we do, and we don't wanna be dealing with negative emotions and. <00:05:21> Kayla Levin: Sometimes the solution is to learn how to fill your negative emotions, but that doesn't mean that you can't set yourself up in a place where the buffers aren't so easily available. So, for instance, if a person, let's say, had a problem with alcohol, they can't get rid of alcohol ever seeing alcohol for the rest of their life, but they might not wanna keep it in their house, right? <00:05:42> Kayla Levin: And so I think that partly as I was writing this a hundred percent my number one reason with my parenting, But I think that it was also really helpful for me to have coached so many people who found that social media was distracting them from their parenting because it was really hard to not see it in myself when I was, helping other people dealing with the same problem. Authenticity & Mental Health --- <00:06:04> Kayla Levin: Okay, the next bullet is Publishing on social feels inauthentic to me as someone who's deeply concerned with promoting mental health and wellbeing. Every study I have found with the one exception of the one Facebook funded, has shown significant correlation between social media use and mental distress. <00:06:20> Kayla Levin: Okay, so here's my commentary on this one. My husband and I actually teach in seminaries and he goes into Yeshivas to talk about, technology, intentional use of technology and, uh, social media. There's actually an amazing, he has a partner that does this in America. So if you are interested in this talk in America, I don't know how he's, you know, he's pretty fully booked, but if you are interested in getting him, uh, please reach out to me and I'm happy to see if I can make that connection. <00:06:44> Kayla Levin: If you're in Israel, you should totally have us come in. It's a mind blowing presentation because I think so many people associate this just with from kite and not with mental wellness unfortunately. And there are so many people outside of the from world that are making the decision to get off of these platforms and there is literally no tie in to their religious level of observance. <00:07:04> Kayla Levin: It is just a mental health decision and the study is really, are quite strong and compelling. There's significant correlation between depression, anxiety, and mental distress and social media. So I wanna say that a little bit, like, I wanna be really clear on that. I even, yeah, I just wanna be really clear on that because I, I, I think that it's really important that everyone knows that, and some of you might know that that's information out there, and some of you might be surprised by that because a lot of times we talk about the positives of being able to connect and stay in touch with people. <00:07:40> Kayla Levin: but the actual facts on the ground is that this is not something that's good for your mental health. I'm Not Great at Moderation --- <00:07:45> Kayla Levin: All right, next bullet point. . I found that I'm not great at moderation. I'm more of an all or nothing type. I don't wanna spend mental space or discipline on not checking social. Okay. So I dunno if I have so much more to say about this one, but I do think this is just ties back to that idea of know thy self, right? <00:08:05> Kayla Levin: Like know who you are, know what works for you, and. I've tried a lot of versions of moderation, even to the extent that by the point where I quit social, I was writing up my posts in text and sending them to my va. Who's amazing. Shout out to Jesse. We love you. and she was doing all of the posting to social. <00:08:27> Kayla Levin: I had no need to ever check in at all , and yet it was so much easier. It has been so much easier. I was right on this one. I wasn't sure at the time that I wrote this, that this would work out, but I was really right that it was, it's so much easier for me to just not be on versus to, you know, have that. <00:08:46> Kayla Levin: the degree of separation that keeps me not directly posting cause it was still always at poll. I do have the account, maybe there's a comment, maybe there's a message that I need to respond to at this point, if someone sends me a message, they get a auto reply to reach me somewhere else and it's not on my head anymore. Social Detoxes Work --- <00:09:04> Kayla Levin: Whenever I take social media detox breaks, I find myself surprised by how quickly and dramatically my mental landscape changes. I stop feeling like life is happening online. I get calmer. I feel less pulled. I surprisingly don't feel any fomo. This one, I have to give a little bit of a shout out to the D M C podcast. <00:09:25> Kayla Levin: You guys know I love you. Um, at one point you had a episode on social media and at the end you had, you had like a, a, like a voice note from someone who had left social media, including WhatsApp. And one of the things that she said that stuck with me so strongly was that she felt like while she was on it, she could never get off. <00:09:43> Kayla Levin: And then once she got off, she realized she didn't really feel fomo. That was like, sometimes these little things you stumble across can be life changing. . That for me was life changing because it made me realize that that's exactly how I feel. I always liked to do a detox break, either in Ella Otre and then did another one in Nissan, and I highly recommend doing this for you. <00:10:02> Kayla Levin: I highly recommend if you're still on social, give yourself a full month is such a gorgeous amount of time. Give yourself a full month detox break if you're finding that it's like just too much because it's enough time for you to adjust to a new reality. It's enough time for your brain to spend its social energy. <00:10:20> Kayla Levin: on the actual people that you see on a day-to-day basis as opposed to people that you scroll past on a day-to-day basis. So I just am so grateful that she said that because I feel like it helped me to clue into how much that was the reality for me and made me really feel like it's so important to me to, to find that in my life, to have my social energy. <00:10:45> Kayla Levin: On the people that I see on the day-to-day basis, or that I connect to by making phone calls or even ongoing WhatsApp conversations, I having fewer higher quality relationships and just trusting that the people who need to find me can find me anyway. Whether they need to find me for work, by the way, or just for they're meant to be in my life, and I'm meant to have a relationship with that person. Being Picky with Our Brains --- <00:11:06> Kayla Levin: Okay, next bullet point. Social media doesn't allow you to control what you consume, so I often feel like I'm shaking off a disturbing post, or even something as simple as an image that makes me feel just 1% less, like I measure up. , I think this is another one. It's like, how picky are we being with our brain? <00:11:24> Kayla Levin: How picky are we being with what we're consuming, what we're allowing into our world, into our orbit, into our consciousness? And for some people that's, it's enough to just unfollow a bunch of people. And just unfollow the people that don't leave you, you know, don't spark joy. And for other people it might be the entire platform. <00:11:43> Kayla Levin: It's problem. I wanna offer deep, high quality material. I like long form, deep thinking. I think I'm better at it, so I'll be increasing my focus on written articles, email and podcasting, which are more natural avenues for me. I wanna say that this is not me trying to say that there is nobody doing deep, high quality. <00:12:04> Kayla Levin: Content producing deep, high quality content on social media. I actually can think of a couple people right off the top of my head who I think are doing beautiful, deep, meaningful work. What I meant is that there's a different skill to get a concept across in a bite versus in a long hashed out, right? <00:12:25> Kayla Levin: Like going deep, exploring, trying different. Type content like a podcast which is much longer or even an email. An email is, gives me so much more room to explore concept than a social media post. I don't like that I get limited on the number of words. And of course podcasting and iking that a book will happen. <00:12:47> Kayla Levin: So again, I'm not here to say that you can't be deep and beyond social or that there aren't people cause there for sure. What I mean to say is the long form. I was limited in the long form and I am definitely better at long form than I am in short form. And I spent a lot of time trying to figure out like how to be better at it. <00:13:03> Kayla Levin: And then I finally realized like I'd rather focus on what I'm good at than what I'm not. Focusing on Our Community --- <00:13:09> Kayla Levin: Okay, last one. Finally. The How to Glow program. Coaching program is growing and thriving in the community is my first priority in my business. Going with the mantra, do fewer things. if you, if you need an invitation to join us, this is it, and of course you can join us anytime at kaylalevin.com/coaching. <00:13:30> Kayla Levin: Yeah, I guess there's not much to say on that one except that it's just been delightful and thrilling. I don't know what the word is that we have so many new members every single month coming into the program. I am so grateful for all of you who are members inside the program. . It's so exciting to be making new topics, to be thinking about what you're needing coaching on to be in there. <00:13:52> Kayla Levin: I'm almost every single day inside of our Slack community coaching people or answering questions on this submitted question feature, and every week in a live coaching call. So we have so much time to spend together and for me to be focusing on my clients, and I really feel like those are the people who need my top attention when it comes to my business. <00:14:13> Kayla Levin: So, again, I love that mantra. Do fewer things better. Okay, finally, I said I've gained from being on social by having new people in my life that I deeply value, that I don't know how else I would've met. So I hope those of you who feel compelled to stay in touch do so either by joining my email list or via WhatsApp. <00:14:34> Kayla Levin: And I wrote zuckerberg can still have that one. I love my reasons for leaving social media and love that we all got to connect Xo. K. Ps there are some incredible interviews coming out in the next few weeks. I debated putting this off so I could more fully promote them, but some decisions are better made now than later. <00:14:51> Kayla Levin: Definitely make sure you subscribe so you don't miss out. So, yeah, if you're hearing this episode and you're not a regular subscriber, I have some incredible episodes and I just had one with Raquel kba. You gotta go listen to that one. I absolutely loved, loved that conversation with her. So make sure you s. <00:15:08> Kayla Levin: Listen to the podcast. We have so many amazing episodes and a lot of people tell me what they do is they just go through and they just grab a couple episodes that really jump out at them, and then the vast majority of you go back and just listen straight from the beginning. And there's so much growth available to you. <00:15:22> Kayla Levin: I am so grateful to be able to offer it to you, and those of you who wanna take this work deeper, who has something coming up for you, that you really just want that extra support to make sure you're applying this material in a way that makes your life so much better. K eleven.com/coaching. I have such a reasonable monthly membership coaching program, and it's an unbelievable community, and I would absolutely love to have you in there. <00:15:46> Kayla Levin: All right. Those are my reasons for leading social. I'd love to hear. Where you're holding what your thoughts are. Um, again, if you go to k eleven.com, if you're not on my email list yet, you will have a popup there. You can sign up, you get my free marriage workbook, and you join my email list. After a few, few introductory emails, you just get a, a weekly email from me and unless there's like something really special going on and you can reply to any of those, I read my own email and. <00:16:15> Kayla Levin: Love hearing back from you on what you're reflecting on, what you're thinking about, what's been helpful for you, and um, that's it. Thank you so much for being here and have an amazing, amazing rest of your week. Okay, bye-bye. <00:16:32> Kayla Levin: Hey there, Kayla here. If you've been loving the podcast, I want to invite you into my monthly coaching program, also called How to Glow. We take all the work here and go much, much deeper into our expectations of our husbands, our understanding of our husbands and ourselves, our intimate lives, and we even extend it out to anything else you want coaching on. <00:16:51> Kayla Levin: That might be your parenting, your finances, your health. Come get ongoing support, live coaching, and access to my best courses for only $49 a month. I would love to coach you inside. Registration is open. Sign up at k eleven.com/coaching. Isn't this the best time to start? <00:17:39> Kayla Levin: Hey there, Kayla here. If you've been loving the podcast, I want to invite you into my monthly coaching program, how To Glow. We take all the work here and go much, much deeper into our expectations of our husbands, our understanding of our husbands, our intimate lives. We even extend it out to anything else you want. <00:17:55> Kayla Levin: Coaching on your parents and your finances, your health. Get ongoing support, weekly live coaching, and access to my best courses for only $49. I would love to coach you inside. Registration is open. Sign up at k eleven.com/coaching. Isn't this the best time to start? Okay, one more just for fun. Hey there. <00:18:21> Kayla Levin: Kayla here. If you ha blah, blah. Hey there, Kayla here. If you've been loving the podcast, I wanna invite you into my monthly coaching program, how to Glow. We take all the work here and go much deeper into our expectations of our husbands, our understanding of our husbands ourselves, by the way our intimate lives. <00:18:39> Kayla Levin: We even extended out to anything else you want. Coaching on your parenting, your finances, your health. Get ongoing support. Live weekly coaching, and access to my best courses for only $49 a month. I would love to coach you inside. Registration is open now. Sign up at k eleven.com/coaching. Isn't this the best time to start?