Episode 214 - The SRC Day 6 - What Do You Need
- Jessie Rothstein
- Mar 21
- 4 min read
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💞 Shana Rishona Challenge Day 6: What Do You Need?
Have you ever wished your husband would get you a drink/tell you to get some sleep/bring you something to eat so that you could feel like he really cared?
Good. That's what you're supposed to feel like during shana rishona.
At the beginning of a marriage (I'm talking the first decade), it's about her feeling totally secure that she's a priority. And it's about him learning how to make her a priority.
Where we get stuck is when we forget that we actually can go get ourselves something to eat 🥪, a glass of water 🥤, and put ourselves to bed 🛌🏻. Because we are smart, grown women who know how to do these things. 💪
What happens next? She's hangry and whining that he doesn't care and he's honestly not really sure what just happened. 😣😳
It's funny now but it's not funny in the moment!
One of the best ways to invest in your marriage is to invest in YOURSELF. YES, you want acts of love from him, but they don't need to be for your basic functioning. You don't have to be drowning for him to show he cares. The damsel in distress is so not a Jewish thing.
Today's challenge is a fun one: do something for you!
Resources:
Class 6 in FYM is about Self Care-designing a life for yourself that you love despite all the changes of shana rishona. Check it out at kaylalevin.com/newlywed
Want to be part of the WhatsApp challenge? Join us at bit.ly/4shalom
Transcript
0:00
Anja the Hoopa suddenly a lot of herself preservation abilities have just like mysteriously disappeared and she's wondering how come he didn't notice that I was tired and she would never have thought that before she got married.
Welcome to How to Blow where we get real about building the marriage of your dreams.
0:17
I'm certified Coach Kayla Levin and I help married Jewish women go from surviving and overwhelmed, thriving and connected through practical tips, real life inspiration, and more than a little self-awareness along the way.
Shana Rishona challenge day six.
0:32
What do you need?
Have you ever wished your husband would get you a drink, tell you to get some sleep, bring you something to eat so you could feel like he really cared?
Good.
That's what you're supposed to feel like during Shana Rishona.
You're supposed to be wanting to see that he cares at the beginning of a marriage.
0:53
And when I say the beginning of the marriage, I quote Rabbi Akiva Tatz, who says it takes about a decade.
It's all about her feeling totally secure that she's a priority.
That's what she needs in Shana Rishona.
That's the work of Shana Rishona.
It's at least a big part of the work of Shana Rishona.
1:09
And it's about him learning how to make her a priority.
But here's where we get stuck.
It's when we forget that we actually could go get ourselves something to eat.
We know how to make a glass of water and we could take responsibility to get ourselves to bed on time without him telling you to do it because we're smart grown women who know how to do these things.
1:32
And you did all these things before you were married.
I often call this the mysterious Hoopa effect, that under the Hoopa, suddenly a lot of herself preservation abilities have just like mysteriously disappeared.
And she's wondering how come he didn't notice that I was tired.
And she would never have thought that before she got married, but suddenly she's thinking those things.
1:51
And again, why?
It's coming from a good place.
It's coming from this Shana Richon in need of.
I want to see that he cares, but then what happens next when she's doing that is he misses that because he married you knowing that you're perfectly capable of getting to bed, getting water, having something to eat when you're hungry.
2:08
So now she's hangry and whining that he doesn't care.
And he's honestly not really sure what just happened.
So he's like, just very confused.
And it's funny, but it's really not funny in the moment.
One of the best ways to invest in your marriage is to invest in yourself.
And yes, you do want those acts of love for him, but they don't have to be for your basic functioning.
2:28
You don't have to be drowning for him to show you that he cares.
The damsel in distress is so not a Jewish thing.
Once you're taking care of yourself, he can take care of you.
Like to the next level.
That's way more fun.
So today's challenge is a fun one.
2:45
Do something for you.
In class six of the First Year married course, I explore the resentment and self-care connection because these two things are very tight in and we talked about creating your own kind of self-care, which is a little bit more complex as the complex, intellectual, intelligent, deep person that you are than just getting a bubble bath.
3:10
Even though bubble baths are great, it takes a little more than that.
And the reason is you, so many different parts of you and they all need to be nourished.
And we break it down and make it really tangible and doable inside of the 6th class of First Year Married.
So if you haven't joined us yet, please go to kaylalevin.com/newlywed.
3:27
I will link that in the show notes and you can start your way on the First Year married journey.
See you there.
Bye.
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