Episode 197 - Why You Don't Have Enough Time (Replay)
This week Kayla is bringing you a time management tool - just in time to start getting readying for the end-of-summer rush to get ready for school and chagim.
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In today's episode, we're gonna talk about your time and why you don't have enough of it.
It's not why you think.
I'll share my tool for matching your priorities to your calendar and help you deal with those feelings of busyness and overwhelm that can suck the energy out of all of us.
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WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER IN THIS EPISODE:
Why we feel so busy
The Dream Calendar
Zero-Based Scheduling
What happens when you think you don't have enough time
Decision-making and time management
FEATURED IN THIS EPISODE:
Know a newlywed? Are you one? The First Year Married Course is now FREE for Newlyweds -- but you have to register before your 6th month! kaylalevin.com/newlywed to sign up
Want to take this time management work further? I would love to coach you inside my coaching program, How to Glow. It's a no-commitment monthly program where you can get coached every week and be part of an amazing community of women. Time Management for Jewish Women is just one of the incredible courses you will have access to for only $49. Ready to give it a try? Join today at kaylalevin.com/coaching
Ep 197 - Why You Don't Have Enough Time - Summer Series Replay ===
<00:00:00> Kayla Levin: Welcome to the summer series oldies playlist. Don't stress about remembering all the foundations or figuring out what old episodes you should go back to. If you're new here, we've cultivated the best of the originals back when the podcast was still First Year Married for your summer listening pleasure.
<00:00:16> Kayla Levin: Enjoy.
<00:00:17> Kayla Levin: Episode two, why you don't have enough time.
<00:00:33> Kayla Levin: Welcome to the first year married podcast, where we get real about building the marriage of your dreams. I'm marriage coach Kaila Levin, and I take newly married and engaged women from anxious and insecure to confident and connected through practical tips, real life inspiration, and more than a little self awareness along the way.
<00:00:57> Kayla Levin: Thanks so much for coming back to the podcast. I'm so excited to be continuing with this next episode. One of the big things is, as you saw in the last episode that I teach, is the importance of really prioritizing your marriage, especially in the beginning. That it's really a learning process from the beginning, and you really need to take the time to focus with each other and focus on each other and focus on the marriage.
<00:01:19> Kayla Levin: There are a couple of objections that I get a lot. I'd say the most common one that I get is that we're newly married and money is an issue. So we're definitely going to be talking about money, but not today. The other objection that I get is what about time? We're so busy. Isn't everyone so busy these days?
<00:01:37> Kayla Levin: Have you noticed that everyone's busy? Like it's embarrassing to say that you're like, Not busy. It's amazing. We've created such an amazingly strong value about busyness and being busy and you must be very important. Look how busy you are. Um, so I'm fascinated by this idea and we had a really amazing experience.
<00:02:02> Kayla Levin: My husband and I recently watching The about our busyness. And it created a system that I want to share with you. And it's all about scheduling. So that's what we're going to be talking about today, time and scheduling and how it works and how a lot of it's in our minds. So let me just tell you the story of what happened.
<00:02:20> Kayla Levin: Basically, my husband and I both work. We have four young children. These are all great things, by the way. Don't think that I'm complaining because I'm very aware of how blessed we are, but we both work. We both have four young children. His job is particularly demanding. Um, I do not work a nine to five, um, but I am homeschooling one of our children right now and starting this business.
<00:02:44> Kayla Levin: And on, in addition, he teaches professional development at night and we have a lot of community obligations and I teach a nightly, a weekly class at night. So We're not really ever both home normally at bedtime and we often feel like our schedule has just run away from us and we're just racing after it trying to keep up.
<00:03:05> Kayla Levin: Have you ever had that feeling like, Oh my gosh, this is all my commitments and I'm just trying. not to drown behind them all. How many cups of coffee do I need to make it through this day? That's kind of where we were holding. And what would happen is that things that we really prioritized were falling off the list because of all the things that were urgent.
<00:03:25> Kayla Levin: Spending time with our kids that was focused and relaxed. and enjoyable, especially on Sunday. That's the day we each really try and go out and do something with them. And you know, it's an opportunity to kind of connect, whether it's my husband taking someone on a date or all of us going somewhere as a family or whatever it is, we just try and have a little space each week to really check in with, with our kids.
<00:03:48> Kayla Levin: Obviously we're doing that on a daily basis also, but it's nice to have that focus time. We kind of felt like those really high. You know, high value things were falling by the wayside and instead we were just dealing with all these urgent and very energy consuming projects and tasks and deadlines that were coming up for us.
<00:04:07> Kayla Levin: And something came up that we really wanted to work on and we wanted to see if it was possible. And we were kind of just looking at our schedule and I think I said something like, you know, it's just not possible. We're just too busy. And my husband looked at me and he said, But you know what, let's just see, let's just see what it would look like for us to get in the most important stuff.
<00:04:34> Kayla Levin: So he gave me a piece of paper and he said, I want you to write down everything you want to accomplish in a normal week. And include all the obligations, the classes you teach, prepping for those classes, homeschooling Adina, um, all the different things that you're doing throughout your week and how long each thing would take.
<00:04:53> Kayla Levin: And then I turned the paper over so he couldn't really see my answers and I had him write on the other side, his. So first we were just kind of looking at the numbers and, you know, there was a very long list and lots of time and it just looked, you know, okay, great. All we've done so far is confirm, but I actually, I had us add in things.
<00:05:11> Kayla Levin: So for instance, I added in that I wanted to be able to get eight hours of sleep a night. Now, I read at night, so sometimes I'll read instead of go straight to sleep, but I wanted the opportunity. I did not want to plan my day that I by default was going to be getting less than eight hours of sleep. He had things like he wanted to work out three times a week, right?
<00:05:32> Kayla Levin: So we weren't, it wasn't just the things that were like absolutely the most urgent. It was also quality of life things. I wrote that I wanted unstructured time every week and I wanted time to stay on top of the housework. Okay. So, so he filled his out. I filled mine out and really it included all the things that we really wanted in a given week that if that week were to happen, we would look back and be like, whoa, we, we hit it all.
<00:05:58> Kayla Levin: What a great week we just had, right? For me, that was my yoga class that I never go to, right? It's like, let's, if my yoga class is on there, it's an A plus week. Like no matter what else happens. We did that. And then we're kind of looking at all these numbers and, and he sort of starts drawing out a chart on his piece of paper and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, that's going to be way too complicated.
<00:06:15> Kayla Levin: So what I did is I actually went into Google calendar and I created two new calendars. Okay. So if you use Google calendar, this will make sense to you. I think this is going to make sense either way. Basically you have lots of different calendars that layer. So if you have a calendar for national holidays, then you might have a calendar for work that has all your meetings.
<00:06:33> Kayla Levin: And then you might have a calendar for personal things. I added in Dream Cal for Kayla and Dream Cal for Noah. This again goes on top of the things that are already scheduled on there. There's a dentist appointment. That's on a different calendar. Okay. In this calendar, because I liked the idea of using Google because it's already all charted out for you, right?
<00:06:53> Kayla Levin: You know, it's in 15 minute increments and everything's all set. So if you put it in there, you'll be able to have a very good visual of what your calendar looks like. And so I went in and I went, okay, well my, what things have to happen at certain times. So the number one thing was his job. What are the ideal times for you to be at your job that you're not leaving, you're not getting there too late.
<00:07:11> Kayla Levin: You're not leaving too early. You really feel like you're able to do a great job. And this is the number of hours you should be working. So he went in, he put, and we put those in for every day of the week. And I went in and I said, okay, well, I'm always homeschooling during these times and I'm always working during these times.
<00:07:25> Kayla Levin: So we go ahead and schedule those and then we just keep adding things in. Oh, I put in my bedtime. I need to go to bed at this time because the baby always wakes me up at that time. And we just started adding, adding, adding, adding, adding. And there were a couple of things that needed to be shifted. There was one thing that came up that it was very clear that there wasn't any time where I was.
<00:07:45> Kayla Levin: Alone and able to really just catch up on whatever the needs of the family were that fell on me. So whether that means just getting a room organized that had gotten sort of into disarray or if that meant working on our budget or whatever the thing was that I needed to catch up on, that was something that we needed, but as soon as that That was seen on the calendar.
<00:08:05> Kayla Levin: He immediately figured out a solution and then we just went with a solution and that worked out. So it was very clear as soon as we identified that and then that was the only conflict. Now we went into this exercise thinking, let's go see how many of the things on our list we can possibly achieve. And what we ended up doing is fitting all of it on our list, all of it.
<00:08:32> Kayla Levin: And I'm very influenced by Dave Ramsey. Not influenced enough. I wish I was more influenced by Jay Ramsey, but I'm very influenced by his concepts of zero based budgeting. And the idea for zero based budgeting, in a nutshell, is that you don't plan to spend whatever your expenses are and then have leftover at the end of the month.
<00:08:53> Kayla Levin: You make a plan for that leftover money. So let's say that you can cover all your expenses for 200 less than what you make. So you actually say, I'll take a hundred of that and I'll put it into a spending account for fun money and I'll take a hundred of it and I'll put it into long term savings or whatever it is.
<00:09:10> Kayla Levin: Right. But you actually name what's going to happen with every dollar of your budget. So I thought, well, if zero based budgeting makes so much sense. What about zero based scheduling? Now the reason zero based budgeting is so amazing is that when you know that at the end of the month you have 100 of spending money, then when you want to buy something, I'm sure you've experienced this if you're human, you want to buy something and it's just 40, a little 40 extra is a target and you know you have some extra money at the end of every month.
<00:09:43> Kayla Levin: So, you buy the thing at Target for 40, but then you do that twice a week, every week of the month, and you've gone over your 200, and it doesn't make sense. Where did my money go? Because I know I have extra money left over. But since you're not being really clear with it. But even though you know you have that extra money, nothing is going towards savings.
<00:09:59> Kayla Levin: It just is impossible to kind of conceptualize what choice you're making when you go spend that money. But if you know, I have a hundred dollars of spending money and you go to target and you buy something for 40 automatically your brain, well, he actually uses cash envelope systems. You would literally be taking 40 cash out of your wallet, but at the very least your brain can now say, okay, now I'm down to 60.
<00:10:23> Kayla Levin: Right? And now. You're not going twice a week, every week, or if you are, you know that you're already going over that amount. And since every dollar is budgeted for, if you're going over that amount, that means it's coming out of somewhere else. That really resonated with me that when you're, you're going, you're, you're really able to be much more conscious of the fact that when you're spending that money, you are taking it from somewhere else.
<00:10:46> Kayla Levin: And so this is why I think this scheduling system went to the next level, right? So the first level was just that we went and we had this exercise of just write down what would you love to have happen in your week? We wrote it down and we were shocked to find out that it could fit. Right? First, that we were able to so easily diagnose the problem when it came up.
<00:11:06> Kayla Levin: And second, that we were very easy, it was very easy to solve because now we knew exactly what the problem was. And then finally that it all fit, right? Which was such a shock. Part A of this whole experience was realizing the only reason other than this one little chunk of time, right? For everything else in our schedule, the only reason that it wasn't getting done wasn't because there wasn't enough time.
<00:11:33> Kayla Levin: The only reason it wasn't getting done was that we both were convinced that there wasn't enough time. There was no objective reality of there not being enough time, but we both thought and believed that there wasn't enough time. What happens when you don't have enough time? Usually you spin your wheels.
<00:11:54> Kayla Levin: Or you try and do things too quickly and you make mistakes and you have to go back or you get frantic or it's very hard to pick one thing because who cares? You don't have enough time to get it all done anyway. And no one thing is designated as this is the time to focus on it because it's just all this big jumble of there's just not enough time.
<00:12:14> Kayla Levin: There's just so much on my schedule. But the truth is that I would have been performing at such a higher level if all I had done Would have been to just go back and look at that thought, I don't have enough time. And even though, no, it wouldn't have been as organized as when we really got it down on the calendar and figured out when things should fit in and all that.
<00:12:36> Kayla Levin: No, that was definitely better. But even if I had just worked on that thought that I don't have enough time, I would have been miles ahead. That thought had me spinning my wheels, feeling anxious, getting nothing done. And it was amazing to see that I was completely wrong the whole time. I think if you would have asked me, like, is that an objective truth, you don't have enough time?
<00:13:01> Kayla Levin: Actually, I was going to say, no, I would have realized it was just a thought. And I hope that's true. But now I'm actually worried that maybe I wouldn't have said that. Maybe I actually would have argued with you that it was basic math and there wasn't enough time. I cannot tell you how shocked we were that there was actually enough time in our schedule.
<00:13:17> Kayla Levin: Okay, so part two is the whole zero based scheduling part, all right? So first thing I want you to do is if you feel like you don't have enough time, I really want to encourage you to do this exercise. Write down what do you want to have happen in your week? What are your obligations in your week? How much does each thing take?
<00:13:34> Kayla Levin: And just put it down and see on a calendar, okay? We ended up going back and making all those events repeating, but again, because it's like. Um, a dream calendar. So it's an extra calendar on top of our normal obligations. So here's what happens. So last week my kids had dentist appointments. So those dentist appointments layered onto the time where I work on basic housework, right?
<00:13:59> Kayla Levin: Getting the laundry through, getting things tidied up, whatever it is. So there was no surprise at the end of the day that that didn't happen. Right? Was I living my dream calendar life that week, that day? No, I wasn't, because the time that I thought I'd be doing something else ended up going to the dentist appointment.
<00:14:17> Kayla Levin: But the reason this was so much better for me than what I had before is that instead of feeling like, oh, those things still need to get done, I was able to look at the simple math. I was going to spend this time doing laundry, but now I'm spending it taking my child to the dentist. I either need to give up on the laundry getting done, or I need to move something else.
<00:14:37> Kayla Levin: This is a really great thing for anybody who has trouble with saying no to people that want their time. Do a zero based calendar. And again, what I mean by a zero based calendar is you put on a calendar where there is no time that is just open. If it's just open time, you mark it off from 6 to 9 p. m.
<00:14:56> Kayla Levin: Available time, available for scheduling, but you actually put it down as a chunk of time that is available. And then when someone asks you to do something at one o'clock in the afternoon, you just bump it and say, okay, well at one o'clock I was supposed to be researching for this report. I'm not going to be able to work on that research project at one.
<00:15:16> Kayla Levin: If I say yes to you, I'm going to have to move it into my available time slot for tonight. Yes or no, am I willing to do that to go out and get coffee with you or to go help you with this thing that you need? But now you are making an objective decision instead of dealing with this sort of like open ended amount of time that sort of exists out there in the ether that May or may not, you know fit to your whim right if you're very clear about where your time is intentionally going And then you can make those adjustments and you're doing what is so much more clarity.
<00:15:51> Kayla Levin: Now another part of this that I thought was really helpful for me because I'm not somebody who loves to do lists. I love writing them. I just don't do them. Um, I don't love a lot of scheduling. I don't like a lot of structure. I like things to feel spontaneous and fun. And I think that the. Moment of genius that I cannot claim credit for.
<00:16:08> Kayla Levin: I'm sure it just came to me, but was the idea of naming it of labeling it dream calendar, because what it shows me every time I look at it is that I was able to put in for this phase in my life right now, my dreams schedule. And what I mean by dream is it is a dream to me to be able to get done all the things that I want to be able to get done and to be able to have sleep so that I can function well and to be able to spend some time alone that's unstructured where I can focus on whatever things come up and to have some time that's focused on my kids and have time with my husband and all of those things, those things being.
<00:16:50> Kayla Levin: Down on the calendar aren't there to confine me or to tell me that I'm wrong if I'm not doing them. They're just there to allow me to make a choice if I choose to do something else. Know what you are not doing during that time. You can't expect a laundry to get done if you're at a dentist appointment.
<00:17:08> Kayla Levin: Right? I know this sounds so simple, but for us, this was just totally amazing and it's really funny that I'm recording this podcast today of all days because today is. the anniversary and not the anniversary. It is the very first time that I totally blew it with dream calendar. Um, this morning I had, this was my morning.
<00:17:31> Kayla Levin: That was my open time. Um, I'm not homeschooling this morning. Someone else is in charge of my daughter's education. Um, on Monday mornings and on Monday mornings, that is my time to just collect the pieces. So whether that means that Sunday we were doing so many crazy things with the family that the house is totally trashed, then I can fix the house.
<00:17:49> Kayla Levin: If that means that I need to get myself to a doctor's appointment, that would be my time. And this morning I had planned to spend the time just. Cleaning up, getting laundry put away, getting things moved along, putting away, you know, the dishes from breakfast. There wasn't anything really major. Um, there were a couple ideas that have my mind of podcasts I'd listened to while I was doing this, all that.
<00:18:08> Kayla Levin: And what I did instead is I sat down and they had like a two hour Google video date with my mom, right? We like each made our own little cup of tea and we sat down together and we caught up after a very long time not talking. And. The only reason I say I blew it is that I didn't really let myself make that very clear choice Right when she said when we were sort of were like talking about if this is a good time to do this I didn't say to myself if I talk to her now, I'm not going to get those things done until Blank like look at my calendar.
<00:18:47> Kayla Levin: When can those things happen? When am I moving all those expectations to because of that then later even though that is the choice I would have made for sure That was the perfect time to talk to her. It was a lovely time. We like really enjoyed it and it was great. I still came back feeling like frustrated with myself that other things hadn't gotten done, too.
<00:19:07> Kayla Levin: It really just sort of helped me see how important it is for me to just stay rooted in this. For the most part, it's been totally effortless because it just, it just seems like I was just putting the math on the paper. Um, this is sort of where my week is going every week, but now where is it going intentionally?
<00:19:23> Kayla Levin: This was, this was kind of a funny day to be doing the podcast because it was the day that I really realized there's no benefit of just ignoring this situation, right? There's no benefit of just sort of pretending like I'm not making a choice when I add something to my calendar. I am, I can't sit down for two hours and do something outside my schedule without expecting two hours of something else to now disappear.
<00:19:42> Kayla Levin: And again, that's fine. It's totally fine. But once you make that. Okay. Bye. allowance for it, then all of a sudden you're not also feeling frustrated that something else didn't happen. It's like, Oh no, I totally made the right call, right? That was, that was the thing to do. One of the things that's hardest for me is the feeling of there's constantly things around the house to do.
<00:20:01> Kayla Levin: There's constantly another load of laundry. There's constantly, you know, a counter needs to be cleaned off or a dishwasher to unload. Having specific chunks of time in my day where I do deal with that allows me the rest of the day to kind of silence all of that. Right now. So here I am. This is my time for work recording this podcast as part of my work and I'm sitting at a counter with dirty breakfast dishes.
<00:20:24> Kayla Levin: Now normally that would drive me bonkers, but I didn't do it during my cleaning time. So I have to wait now until my next opportunity and somehow that's okay with me somehow that's working in my brain. So I really, again, want to encourage you step one of this process. is to put down the activities you want to get done, how long they're going to take, and then to see if you can fit them into a calendar.
<00:20:47> Kayla Levin: And again, if you can't fit them, then what you're doing is you then go and you make choices. You do troubleshooting if there's more than you can fit into a regular week. So don't expect to get all that done. And that's when it becomes really clear what things you're going to prioritize over others.
<00:21:03> Kayla Levin: Notice any thoughts you're having about how busy you are, how you don't have enough time and just ask yourself if that's an objective reality. Or even if that thought is helping you, does feeling busy help me be the person I want to be right now? Does feeling busy help me get more things done? Or does it just sort of make me feel frantic?
<00:21:25> Kayla Levin: What other things do I want to feel? What about feeling present? How about focused? Maybe I want to feel committed. So just focusing on what are your thoughts about time? What do you think about time? And then I want to encourage you to take that calendar and if you do have time that's empty that's left over, I want you to make it a zero based calendar and actually schedule that time as available time.
<00:21:52> Kayla Levin: So that instead of, Oh, I have some leftover time at the end of my day. So if someone tells me to, you know, stay for an extra four hours, I'm sure it'll be fine. Now, you know, you actually have two and a half hours at the end of every day that's available. So you know that if you're going to watch, you know, all of season one of Grey's Anatomy.
<00:22:08> Kayla Levin: You're not getting to bed on time. And yes, that's obvious, but sometimes maybe it's just four or five episodes, right? Whatever it is, you're just being much more clear with yourself about what the decision is actually that you're making. Okay. So I hope this has been helpful for you. I was really blown away by this whole experience and it has definitely been a major game changer in how we approach our time and how we approach our priorities.
<00:22:35> Kayla Levin: And how I've really tuned into my own thoughts about time and sort of what I want to be thinking about it. What I want to be thinking about busyness. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of the First Year Married podcast. I really, really hope that you would subscribe to the podcast and even rate it on iTunes if you're ready to do so.
<00:22:53> Kayla Levin: We'd love to hear your, your comments and your feedback and your questions. You can put questions in there for me and I'm happy to answer those on future podcast episodes. Getting ratings and reviews in the very beginning of a podcast makes a huge difference in terms of other people being able to find this podcast.
<00:23:07> Kayla Levin: So I really appreciate it. I know sometimes it's just annoying and you don't want to do it. It would mean a lot to me if you would be able to take the time to go and do a quick subscribe and maybe even a quick review. And if you do want to take this work further, I do have a free class on my website, which teaches the number one tool that I use with all my clients to create big transformations in their lives and their marriages.
<00:23:29> Kayla Levin: It's totally free and you can get it at FirstYearMarried. com. Thanks again for listening in. Bye bye.
<00:23:42> Kayla Levin: Hey there. If you know a newlywed or you are one, we have a wedding gift for you. Go to kaylalevin.com/newlywed to get access to my best selling course "First Year Married" you have got to be in your first six months, so make sure you don't wait. And if you've been married longer than that, but you're looking for some more support or this stuff is just super fun for you.
<00:24:02> Kayla Levin: I'd love to have you join me inside of my membership community, How To Glow. It's for women looking for a fresh take on relationship development. Join us for live coaching calls, signature classes, and anonymous q and a. Let's do it.
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<00:24:21> Kayla Levin: