Episode 202 - The Power of Small
Updated: Nov 21
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When the issue seems so big it can be hard to see the value of each small action. This week we're discussing the power of making small steps--whether in response to the war, in our marriages, or any area.
WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER IN THIS EPISODE:
My contribution
Shalom for Shalom
Ripple effects
The value of doing something small
FEATURED IN THIS EPISODE:
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0:00
The Power of Small Welcome to the First Year Married podcast where we get real about building the marriage of your dreams.
0:19
I'm marriage coach Kayla Levin and I take newly married and engaged women from anxious and insecure to confident and connected through practical tips, real life inspiration, and more than a little self-awareness along the way.
Hi, welcome back.
It's been a a minute and the world has gone through some insane changes since I was last here.
0:42
So I'm going to start with a quick update and then I want to give you a skill for today and talk a little bit about where this podcast is going.
So as you know, we're in Israel, thank God we are safe, we are heartbroken.
We are trying to find some kind of normal in the middle.
1:02
I think probably similar to a lot of people listening to this.
And part of what happened for me that's relevant to this podcast and to us is that I spent the first week like just diving into every single opportunity that I could have and trying to help people from the South and, you know, putting together things for the troops and just davening every second that I had a chance and as probably you can predict, completely burned out.
1:34
Our family had like nothing. I wasn't feeding my family. I wasn't sleeping. I was, you know, whatever.
And I really sort of had to have this moment of recalibration and realizing that there are different people with different levels of kochos in how they can contribute and how they are meant to contribute.
1:54
And so I spent a lot of time thinking about what my contribution should be right now because I think it's so critical that every one of us has something that is different in your life on a daily basis because of what's happening to polyester out.
2:09
So the answer for me was to help women with Shalom bias.
And what we know is that the tiny private decisions, sacrifices, pushes that we give ourselves all the more so because they're private, all the more so because nobody will ever know about it inside of our homes creates spiritual shock waves that cannot be measured.
2:40
And that's my contribution.
So I started if you don't know, if you're not there yet, I would love to have you join us.
I started a 30 day Shalem for Shalem Project challenge where every day I sent out a really bite sized challenge.
Something that is just you can like literally check it off your list and the entire thing isn't as a Huss for the safety and for the redemption and for all good things.
3:09
For the captives, for the injured, for Klal Yisrael and the feedback that I've been getting, the messages I've been getting from people are really making me want to cry.
It's amazing. I had thought of doing something like this in the past, and I'd always hesitated because marriage is such a huge thing and it's a very hot topic.
3:36
If a very hot button issue, it's very triggering.
Our problems can feel so complex, sometimes so overwhelming, that the idea of like, hey, go into your room for 5 minutes because it's your sanctuary and just do something to make it feel a little bit more special.
3:52
What is a drop in the bucket like that going to really do for the big problems that people are facing now?
Not everyone is.
Some people just really actually do need that, that little reminder to just to move things forward, to stay focused, to be contributing, to be, to be generous, to be connected.
4:11
But I know for a lot of people it's a lot more complicated than that.
And what I have seen from this challenge and what I have seen from the messages that you've shared with me is that it cannot be underestimated.
So it's so interesting to me because like, it's like so meta, right?
4:29
So, So to me, like these challenges, I sort of went in.
And I the reason I never did this before was because I was like, well, you know, it's cute for me and it helps me, but I don't know that would help other people and it's just too small.
And then, you know, the reason I ended up doing this thing as a response to what's happening to Klal Yisrael was because I was like trying to do all the big things, trying to fix everything, trying to save everyone, trying to, you know, do everything I possibly could.
4:56
And then I realized, wait, I have to do something small.
So this really just brings in the two points that I really want to make today of the power of small, which is number one, we have no idea how big an impact these small things can can have.
5:18
What I'm hearing from you is that just making that mental shift of I'm just going to spend 5 minutes a day prioritizing this relationship.
I'm just going to spend 5 minutes a day pushing myself to be a giver, pushing myself above and beyond the quote.
UN quote.
What's fair, right?
5:34
Because this is this is for a merit.
This is something that I'm willing to be challenged on.
This is something I'm willing to sacrifice for.
Just that little tiny energetic shift is having these ripple effects inside their relationships is creating a freshness and A and a hope that some women have not experienced before.
5:53
And just doing that little small thing can have such a huge impact.
If I had continued to try to do all the big things, this wouldn't be happening.
This would never be happening.
6:11
And so I want to just put that for you in your mind of like our brains want to go to all or nothing.
If I can't do all of it, then forget it.
If I can't fix our whole, you know, 20 year marriage communication issue or this massive issue that we've never come to terms on or or we're not as scuffically aligned or we don't have the same vision for our future, then then what is the point?
6:35
I'm getting really excited when he brings me flowers for Shabbos like there's bigger fish to fry and I want to just challenge that for you.
I want to just say just try.
Just see whether you join my challenge, Which by the way, if you want to do that, I'll put the link for the WhatsApp group in the show notes and if you want the e-mail daily challenge, if you're not on WhatsApp, you can send me an e-mail at kayla@kaylalevin.com and I will make sure that you get on there.
7:02
Whether you use mine or you choose something of your own, something that inspires you, something that gets you excited, some way for you to make a small difference each day, we can't, we just don't know.
We don't know what impact it's going to have and so we should just try.
7:20
And the other thing about small that is so there's such a good lesson for me here and I think that is such a good lesson for all of us is we do it.
I mean, we know this from Allo, right?
I'm sure everyone's heard that idea of you decide what you want for Allo and then you cut it in half and then you cut it in half and then you cut it in half again.
7:37
And that's what you can take on as a Cabala.
And it's the same idea meaning and tiny habits talks about that love deal, right?
What?
So when, when we bring something down to the smallest possible size, that still contains the essence, right?
7:55
So these challenges don't resolve an entire, you know, every difficulty or challenge in a relationship.
But these challenges still have the essence of I'm trying to be a giver, I'm trying to be connected, I'm trying to invest in this relationship.
8:11
I'm trying to bring something positive here. They're still able to contain that essence.
And therefore we do it. We're able to do it. We actually get up and do the thing, right, because it's doable. It's not overwhelming.
8:27
And we have that sense of accomplishment of like check, you know, I I'm, I'm making progress.
I'm doing something.
So I want to just remind all of you, whether it's in terms of your response to the events that are going on for the Jewish people, whether it's your response to your relationship, whether it's your parenting, whether it's your home, your work, whatever it is, your relationship with Hashem, #1, don't underestimate the value of doing something small.
9:00
And #2 don't underestimate the importance of choosing something that you will do.
It's it's like a no brainer.
Of course I could just do 5 minutes.
Of course it's easy.
It's doable.
So I hope that we speak again from a more positive place.
9:23
I hope that you don't need another podcast because we have only incredible, wonderful things happening in the world.
Oh, and the last piece in terms of the where we're going with this podcast is I'm not right now planning on sending these out weekly.
9:38
I'm going to embrace the power of small.
There will be occasional episodes.
If I have somebody amazing that I can get an interview and share that with you that I know will be valuable to you.
Absolutely. Current events, absolutely.
9:55
But I've had several people ask me like what's going on, where are you gone forever, What's happening with the podcast?
So my focus really, right now really, really is going to be inside of my community and for the the rest of this 30 day challenge, focusing on the women inside the challenge.
After that, I will be sending them out as they are needed.
10:16
You have lots of other ways to contact me.
You have a bajillion episodes to listen to if you want that rehash and you want to go back to the basics.
Those of you who need to take this work deeper, we have the How to Go community which you can join at any time and it's an amazing I cannot tell you how amazing the women are in there and how supportive and how much validation and support and new perspectives and how growth oriented that community is.
10:41
It is just such a privilege for me to lead it to be amazed by the women in there on a regular basis.
So that is also available to you and those of you who would like to join the challenge.
The information on how to do that will be inside the show notes.
10:57
So sending my love to all of you sending prayers for peace and safety and very very good news soon.
OK, bye bye.
Hey there.
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11:14
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You're married.
You have got to be in your first six months, so make sure you don't wait.
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11:33
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