Episode 176 - The Meaningful Life with Raquel Kirszenbaum

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WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER IN THIS EPISODE:

1. How to cultivate a personal relationship with Hashem 

2. How to find inspiration and feel connected to mitzvot

3. The meaning of commitment

FEATURED IN THIS EPISODE:

1. Read about Raquel's amazing journey below

2. To join the How to Glow community, visit kaylalevin.com/coaching

More About Raquel:

Raquel kirszenbaum was born on Margarita Island in Venezuela and moved to Panama when she was 6 years old. After completing high school she went to Israel to experience what would be a life-changing experience. She joined Neve Yerushalaim College for Jewish Studies and chose for herself a life path full with vibrant Judaism. After studying there for some time and growing as much as she could she was invited to teach in Panama were she started her career teaching all kinds of Judaic studies for high school and Midrasha Horev, the first superior Judaic studies school for women in Panama.

She got married and made aliya in 2011, settling in Jerusalem with her husband. From then on she has developed extensively her career teaching Judaism to all kinds of women from all paths of life, becoming a sought-after speaker in Jerusalem and internationally. She has spoken in different cities in the USA, Chile, Argentina, Panama, Mexico, Costa Rica, among others. She has also been invited to speak at the prestigious Sinai Indaba in South Africa.

Raquel also has the pleasure and privilege to be a Trip leader for the JWRP "Jewish Women's Renaissance Project" which has given her the opportunity of teaching and reaching hundreds of women around the world, starting them on their journey! 

She teaches at Neve Yerushalayim, among other places, where she teaches daily to women searching for higher meaning and understanding in life; she is also constantly invited to teach college groups and others of its kind and is a very popular speaker for hidabroot in english, and various kiruv and college programs in Israel from all around the world. She also has a weekly video blog in Spanish with powerful ideas of emuna and prayer. Her unique style of teaching attracts people from all levels and personalities, she takes you on a journey where emotion and intellect join, given over in a beautiful way that is full of humor, enthusiasm and happiness. She wishes to continue having the opportunity to share the amazing gifts she has received and the joy she feels with others.

Transcript

0:00

Episode 176, the meaningful life with Raquel kirszenbaum.

0:17

Welcome to how to Glow where we get real about building the marriage of your dreams.

I'm certified coach Kayla Levin and I helped Mary Jewish women go from surviving and overwhelmed to thriving and connected through practical tips, real-life inspiration, and more than a little self awareness along the way.

0:37

All right, some of you are just as excited as I am because you have heard her talk before.

She was on meaningful people.

She's on the Beautiful People app.

She is a teacher at navei Raquel kirszenbaum and I'm butchering her name but she told me there's a couple different ways to say it so we're just gonna go with it is a ball of positivity energy and just gorgeous exciting I should Ava and I am just so excited that she agreed to come to the how to go podcast for us too.

1:07

Just share some of her light and her wisdom.

And, and I just wanted to offer especially these winter night months, when things just kind of can feel a little bit, like, monotonous, or heavy or just dark, it's just dark outside.

1:24

We just need some of that, like, pick me up and I just really, really love her energy.

I love what she offered today.

It's not at all.

What I expected to come from this interview and that's what makes it so amazing.

So, I hope you enjoy as much as I did.

All right.

1:39

So Raquel.

Thank you so much for joining me on the podcast.

I'm so thrilled to have you here today and to get to share you with our audience.

I am so excited to be here.

Thank you so much.

I'm a fan of your broadcast.

I think it's great so I'm really happy you invited me.

Thank you and hi everyone.

You guys like or call had the most infectious smile.

1:59

You cannot look at her and listen to her and not just light up like I'm already in heaven.

So if you want to watch the video this we're going to post it on YouTube so you ever could just like, enjoy you basically just make sure you don't notice one of my earrings, favorite, you know, but it's fine.

I still go anyways.

2:16

They might have noticed.

OK gang.

So what I wanted to today basically is I wanted to just have you come on and Infuse us with some of your just you're scuffing your personality.

Like I feel like we just some time and especially I think maybe I'm feeling this because it's the winter time and it's just this long stretch, right?

2:37

This is when we really need that extra boost of that positivity.

And we're not able to go take the kids to the beach for the day of like you know, just started get the sunshine.

So I thought maybe if you want to start with talking about your story and then we can talk about how to bring Hashem.

Bring positivity.

Bring inspiration into our daily life as Jewish women.

2:55

Great.

So my story is pretty long but pretty much I was born in Venezuela.

I grew up in Panama 17 years old.

I was one time party, you know, I always say, you know, when you're like riding and you see these like 45 year old lady Next To You, by writing notes, you're like yeah, you still doing this anyway.

3:12

So I stopped for one moment that I was like, what is life about?

You know, my only gonna enjoy like movies and parting for the rest of my life, but, uh, you know, it was pretty good fighting is great, but then, By God's hand.

I ended up in Israel in a seminary.

3:29

I didn't know what a seminary was because at that time, no one in part of my ever used to go to seminars.

It's not like a thing we do.

So I ended up in a seminar in a way and I fell in love with you guys and even though I didn't became religious and then I was only there for two months.

I made some of the deepest Connections in my life and then I went back to Panama came back to Israel.

3:50

Moved to Mexico, went back to Israel and I had to yes.

Yes, had to really negotiate with my parents because I'm back.

Then, in Panama, no one used to become religious, you know, so it wasn't like a thing.

And obviously, even though no one in Panama also used to go to college back then, you know, very few people because we're searing Community.

4:09

I'm back.

Then, people used to just get married, young nowadays.

Everyone goes to college for the back then they didn't.

But, you know, my parents expected me to go do something.

So I was a very big disappointment for going back and forth, back and forth.

I ended up in his trailer.

4:27

Became more religious than, you know, just stay there when back to Panama started, teaching can bag a lot of back and forth.

Wow, and I are line miles.

No, no, I don't even know how to use the miles of thing.

And don't even get me started even now when I fly all over it.

4:48

Anyways, I barely I never have enough but finally, I ended up in Israel.

And I got I've been teaching in a way for the last 12 years Innovation.

I and then all over the place.

Also I teach every single college program and Q program and I work for an amazing amazing organization called momentum which is also known as the birthright for moms.

5:13

So I am the Muskie accrue Canada Trip leader for the Spanish trips and I do a lot of great stuff and I'm married.

But who has?

Um, my husband is weird.

That friend.

He wears the strimer.

He's super from, I'm a little bit colorful, even though it doesn't look like he's the winter and I'm pretty colorful this morning, but and I have four children.

5:35

Each one of them is a miracle on its own and going, yes, I don't know what else I could tell you.

It's a pretty long story but that's enough.

I love this venue fell in love with Judaism before.

You know, before even just like taking on the Mitzvahs and I think that that's, it's such a gift that, you know, I know that there's a lot of women who In the podcast who are raised religious.

5:56

And I'm also Bathsheba and I think it's a gift.

It's a really a gift that we have and most of the time, I think, you know, I tend to go around being like, I think there was a mistake in, you know, like one of the secretaries of stairs.

I was totally supposed to be born, ffb.

This was all a mistake, but it's helpful for me to remember, like it really, you know, we get to have sort of heart first experience right before before each thing.

6:22

So, that's an amazing.

I don't know what Is that a lot of people are?

You know, we fell in love and also especially as valuable as we finally know what then we quickly finding a routine and then I guess we forget why we doing things but also they become a little bit heavy and therefore we we forget to find meaning and the connection behind it.

6:40

And one of the things that I always say it's like the whole purpose of me throughout the whole purpose of everything is to have a relationship with God and we're so worried of doing the things, right?

And, you know, keeping the holla holla code that we end up in a box, but we don't have a relationship.

But Gordon, you know, it's kind of sad because without a relationship, then there's no Judaism.

7:00

It sounds more like a cult or something like that.

But I won't call it you guys, but yeah, it happens to the best of us know.

Yeah, that's a really good point.

Remember my rebbetzin Lynn, fincen?

We were, we were learning.

I don't have a Shabbos or cautious or something and we're all feeling like, wow, what a stretch, look, how religious I became.

7:16

You know, I've done all these things and she said girls, this is the easy stuff.

Wait, till you go back and now you want to, you know, being out on the Arrow, you know, inaudible amide smell.

Like, when you're really did having to deal with the situation, you want to speak some Russian her out.

You want to judge somebody and you don't just like, that's the fine-tuning that's going to be really The Challenge.

7:35

And I feel like sometimes seeing it that way.

Could be helpful in terms of what you were just saying.

I think sometimes we can even put a lot of energy into things that seem like they fit Under the Umbrella of Judaism that aren't even Halal necessarily.

Right?

Might be like how to help your kids be successful in a certain environment or culture that your school happens to be because you happen to live in a certain City.

7:54

All right, or how to like you know, just what's a normal Shabbos.

Me look like in your community and like the pressure for that which has not even nothing to do with this.

Sham doesn't even have anything to do with Allah.

So how do we stay focused?

How do we stay grounded on?

What's important?

8:10

When, as you said, we're busy people, we've got a lot of balls in the air.

So I have a few things to say, first of all, I feel like, you know what, it's like, Yom Kippur and everyone.

It's like, oh, what should I do this year?

And I talk funny because sometimes we feel we have All of the things on the external, you know, under our belt.

8:28

So what else can I add?

I already dressed like these.

I already do like that.

And yes external are very important but there's all of the internal changes that we don't really concentrate on.

And the truth is that we are made out of a body and we are we have a soul and the reason why we have to have external changes is so that our so feels at peace in its vehicle, you know, is that it feels comfortable that we should be aligned, but to change the external, Without looking at how I can apply anything internally.

8:58

So then that's a mistake, first of all.

But also, you know what you're saying to like, do things to, how should we look like?

I always have a question with this which is, I understand that we live in a society that is very, you know, external and internal about the loops and it's all about the outside.

9:14

You know, I struggle a lot with these because you know, first of all, one of our greatest need is to fit in.

You know, it's a greatest leader of a human being.

Everyone wants to fit in, so we will do it.

Of things to fit in.

But at the same time, then number one, we are just moving ourselves to be something, we're not.

9:31

So therefore, we're going to get lost.

So we wonder why we have no connection.

But it's because, you know, there's no there's no plug from our side.

How could you have a connection if you don't even know where you are holding or who are you in the picture?

But also one of the things that we don't really think about is that all of Judah is it?

9:49

You know, it's about how does my individual World feels in a grater?

Are, you know, Society in the Greater Community?

You know, I tell people all of the time, the first commandment is, I know he has a location cortadita.

I took you out.

You specifically, you know, you go to a wedding and we see that chuppah and I hope I it's a building.

10:09

It's made out of four sides, but it's open from the site because yes, you building your marriage, it is your house but you also have to see how it fits into the community.

So first, I have to give to myself and then I have to give to the hall but I cannot Yes, I'm also part of the whole board.

10:26

I cannot also forget that first have to build my own little corner, right?

We say Shema, you know why do we say shh - Ray?

You know, big big idea but mainly because your ear is the most individual of all of your senses, you know, like your mom always says it goes through.

10:43

This here goes outside will be throughout here is because we all listen to things in the way we want to listen to.

But it seems to be that in Judaism.

We forget to realize that God wants A relationship with me, uniquely with me.

And if I'm trying to be everyone else, then I, there's nothing I could add into a day, but there's nothing, I could add into a picture.

11:04

So first of all, I have to be me.

Second of all, I have to know that God created me me because he wants me to be individual.

He wants me to be unique and no relationship can never happen.

If I don't know, what is my part to bring into our relationship?

11:21

So, those are very big ideas that we have to consider and to really Who am I?

How do I run it through?

Work look, that doesn't mean to say that there's no lock on it because I feel like nowadays, everyone thinks, okay, whatever makes you happy, you know, like whatever faith and even though we should strive to be happy, we should also strive to do what's truth, you know.

11:43

But even in that there is how do how can I make it uniquely mine and keep that aura?

But in a way that it's personal to me and I always say We never argue the what we only argue the house and there's a lot of Shades and as long as you're keeping the, what you have to look for the how that fits with you so that you're able to actually be a part of us and our relationship.

12:09

So yeah, that's one of my big thoughts on that.

I think I don't know if it was the rabbi.

Why I remember hearing someone recently gave this muscle that I loved which was like the hella Hoes are like how you play the game, but if you go to an NBA game, they're all playing.

According to the same rules, they've all except the same rules.

12:24

Every player is going to play in a completely different way.

Remember my brother was really into basketball growing up and like he would teach me the different like personalities, kind of how they would play.

So I feel like that was like, a great, a great way of kind of giving that perspective of if we want to do something that doesn't follow the rules, were not playing the game anymore, so like, yeah, maybe it feels good in the moment.

12:44

Just like if a guy stops playing basketball and goes and has some, I don't know Dunkin Donuts, but it's not play basketball anymore, right?

So he's not gonna win the game if he's taking a break, Yeah, not only that but if I, you know how he's going to play the game, so then there's no strategy anymore, you can toast.

12:59

I know it from before.

So there's no way he's gonna make any basket because you're already going to figure out every single move.

You know, so spontaneity.

I don't know if I said that so well in my English, but as fun tonight is actually what brings the happiness, The Joy, the enthusiasm, the inspiration, you know?

13:16

So yeah, Judaism is a very big balance between, you know, doing the norm doing the right thing, but doing it right.

My way and, you know, that's a beautiful thing, because everything could be our way.

So that's like a great overall, awareness, for people to have a few had.

I mean, I don't know if I'm putting on the spot here, but do you have any like practical or like an example of how a person could in the day of her life?

13:38

You know, she's in the middle of carpool and working and having friends for Shabbos and just sort of doing all the things, how can she feels like she's especially this is wonderful or time at spontaneity right now, right?

Because now this is our longest stretch, right?

We go from from Hanukkah to her.

Is a blip and then paste act like this is kind of when everyone's like because it breathe for a minute but then at the same time the value of U.

13:59

We go team.

What's that?

We got to die.

We get to die at all.

First, I'm going to three months without hugging and I'm never going to lose a little weight for that, but doing all these things.

Like how can she practically?

14:15

Because she wants spontaneity.

She hears that she sent you're saying and she agrees with you but like What's she gonna do?

She can't go, you know, I mean, the first thing that came to my mind was that she should jump on a plane and go to Miami.

Like, that's not how we get fucking alien.

Are you describe?

No, no.

14:32

So, first of all, a person has to find some time to learn.

You know, I always say like when a person learn beside you get to Fun In Love With God, over and over again.

You know, at one point in my life, I was already religious for a bunch of years.

And then, you know, I always create classes that I don't know, because that's the way that I stay connected.

14:49

That's a way that I get to have knowledge and what am I?

Very big.

Serious is called Tommy to vote, which means the flavor of the meat.

Well, I teach pretty much.

What does this meter has to do with you in your practical life?

So, literally, what do you learn from meat and milk for your life?

And what did you learn from that definition and all of this stuff, but it's all practical.

15:07

So, why is it called Tamiami Trail?

The flavor of the meat drop?

Because why should we eat, you know?

You never asked this question to women, but really, we eat to stay alive.

But when you eat something that you enjoy, it makes life that much more amazing, you know, and Why should I keep things work?

Because got that?

15:22

Oh, cause the price true.

Cause this is what I'm doing in my life.

But when I understanding right, when I am connected with them, it makes my life so much more amazing because I'm not just eating.

I'm eating chocolate.

I mean, it?

Whatever I want, right?

Yeah.

So first of all, we have to learn.

If we don't learn, we don't get to be in a relationship when we learn.

15:42

I really feel.

It's like you're hitting the piñata and you're falling in love with God.

And every time you're like, oh my god, did you do this?

Did you know this did you know this?

So if we don't learn, we're not going to stay inspired for sure.

Not, we're not going to stay connected.

Find something that you like, find something that you connect to find someone that you connect to, you know, there's so many people nowadays, there's so many ways of transmitting that or and so, that would be number one, number two, all of our souls have different affinities for different things, you know, some people really like meditating, you know, nowadays, everyone is into manifesting and meditating a lot of this stuff, right?

16:18

So you connect one meter prayer just to make Some people are intrinsically, mortis, some people really like hanging out with people, so you know, you could offer to do carpool all of the time.

But I think that the more that a person gets to know themselves then the more that I could see what is my way of connecting.

16:35

That's not saying I put aside all of the other me talk, I do all of them or whatever I can, whatever it's in my realm of doing at that moment that I am.

But then I dedicate extra to this Mitzvah because this week's are correct to my heart.

You No, that would be number two.

16:52

So finding the, the one meter that connects to you, the one we'd rather you could dedicate to the number three.

And I think is the most important.

One is, I always say that God Appears in our lives so much all of the time, you know?

Like sometimes I'm like teaching a class and the student randomly brought a chocolate or, you know, someone just randomly send me a message or I was going to a supermarket and it was packed and right when I get there, you know, some parking For me.

17:21

So I always call this moments.

The moments of God calling in to say, I love you.

You know that girl, I just called to say, I love you and when I am looking at those moments, I'm like, aw, but that was so kind.

That was so extra.

There's so many movements in our days that God calls him to say, I love you.

17:41

And if we would be aware of those moments, we will just be on a high because it's like, you know, your lover is constantly calling and sending you text messages.

Something like Like, by the way, I was thinking of you.

So there's so many moments.

I got calls in to say, I love you, but there's also so many moments that we could call in to say, I love you to go, you know, I am a person that in everything that I do, I try to find one.

18:05

So, you know, even if I'm whatever it is, you know, like I'm changing my baby's diapers that it smell well, or, you know, whatever it is.

I'm like, you know, this is so cute.

Even these folks who were door or How do I ride or I need a student or, you know II said my Mini 4 people forecast, that, you know, I go to this thing and I'm not like, wow, this is such a cool ride.

18:29

I'm like overwhelmed by how gorg a intelligence to people to build this, right?

Or I am listening to a song and you were Greco because I think all of the time in my classes, but everything I teach suddenly connects to a song and then I look at the song, such a deep way, you know, and that connects me to go so it's not only Host, I actually have a serious on prayer and I actually call it Living on a Prayer based on Bon.

18:57

Jovi song, he said, we got to hold on now leaving on a prayer and I would say this is like the deepest, you know.

This is one of the deepest songs in the planet.

It's not like you bring, it's like you're Living on a Prayer.

You living with work.

So when we find those moments that God called him to say, I love you and when we also call in, throughout the day to say, I love you to God, then suddenly everything becomes Religious experience, everything becomes a meet-up and by the way, that's exactly what I mean, sighs.

19:26

I'm Mitzvah.

It's a physical expression of our soul.

You know, we do all of these things to allow ourselves to express.

So when I am eating, but I am thinking, you know, God thank God that you made all of these food that is healthy is to keep my body fuel.

I didn't just eat, I transform my earring into a Mitzvah.

19:44

When I go to a gym and I'm thinking, you know, I want to stay healthy, I wanna stay fit.

I try.

This form, there's a Mitzvah called who's smart enough to help you have to take care of your body.

So, what we think is like we have to them in trouble.

Why we don't understand.

It's like, no, it's already in your daily life in the daily routine that you do what you have to do is to change your mindset and to be conscious of what you're doing and why you're doing it.

20:08

So that you can connect the world through all of these actions that were doing That's beautiful.

And you know, I feel like on the one hand because you had said before, like you know, you teach, because this is what helps you stay, you know, keep the flavor of them, it's most but I just want to point out for people listening, those aren't any of the, the Practical tips that you gave people are things that every single person can do right, have time for learning, find your Mitzvah noticing those calls from God, anyone can be doing this and and I love, it's like so practical also, like I'll just share for ourselves.

20:43

I mean, A couple different ways that we kept learning in our lives that have been really helpful and I've been sharing them with people and they've told me that wasn't helpful.

One is when you have a friend that you want to keep in touch with or someone that you want to learn from, right, you'd like want to develop that relationship.

Creating a person with that person is such a powerful way of doing it, right?

20:59

So, especially living in Israel.

People move back to the states or you're in the states, and a friend went to Israel.

It's a great time to create a hover says, what I do with one of my good friends and she went back to the States, it just keeps you plugged in and it's like a reason to get on the phone with the person and you get the Torah learning.

Partners and Torah signing up to be a mentor can be extremely valuable because you have no idea how much, you know, until you're helping Outreach for sure that was ours when we were in the state's.

21:24

You know, getting involved in that because like, when you have been used to explain the basics, then you have to connect to them, you have to understand them.

And of course, like most people would think of going to a Shear of finding their person finding that class that they really love.

And then you also get that social connection that fitting in that we talked about sort of in the beginning.

I love.

21:40

Hi.

I just wanna say that.

I feel like we always have time for everything but it seems to be when it comes to our relationship with God.

We're always busy, you know, it's like we have time to be on social media.

We have time to go out for coffee and we have time it's not like we don't have time you know there's obviously we all know that our woman that's very generous have an obligation to break because you're busy with your kids and that's true.

22:03

I'm not saying we're not busy with our kids, I'm not saying everyone to dive into whatever I'm out of time.

That's not what I'm saying.

But the truth is when we really Look at our Lives, who really do give a lot of time to a lot of things that we enjoy.

But also to a lot of things that are just a waste of that, you know, specially nowadays that we have phones that we have social media.

22:21

So why not set up a time for something that really matters to us, a something that can really affect our lives, you know?

So when we become organized and we make it part of our schedule and we see the importance of it, there is time for everything.

So you know what?

My students I saw a woman is not obligated to break.

22:37

I'm like I'm any of your crazy busy but if you're gonna Go out for coffee or you're, you know, doing your makeup for two hours every day.

Then I'm pretty sure you could find ten minutes, you know, you could.

It's just that we don't see it as a priority.

There's there's something missing that we always think that Judaism inside on the backside.

22:53

But if we're functioning on that relationship, then we're going to function in every single relationship because all of Judaism Commando and on how to have healthy relationships and everything that I do is to take me to our relationship with God and then with my spouse and then with my kids.

23:09

But if I'm Not functioning on that relationship.

That means I don't give value and priorities to a things that are the most important in my life and never for sure that's going to fail in other markets, you know?

So, it's an important thing to know that it's all about getting organized.

It's all about putting priorities and setting a schedule or whatever.

23:26

Anyone needs to be, everyone has to know their personality.

In order to be able to hold, its it reminds me of one of things that I teach about marriage.

What you're saying this about our relationship of the show?

Which is that we have to judge what our expectations have to be based on our input.

But, you know, if we're too busy to go on a date for six months straight and we're not, you know, making a special phone call or buying in something or doing something, you know, investing on a weekly basis we can't expect that our marriage is going to be a source of like, you know, self-fulfillment self-actualization understanding compassion connection, all the things that we want.

23:58

Our marriage has to be if to just understand, it's not going to be that.

It's going to be much more functional if you're treating it that way.

And the same thing with our relationship with God but you know, if we turn around and we're like, well I haven't done for six months.

It's I'm waiting till I'm inspired.

I'm waiting till I till I feel connected.

24:14

So I can dive in.

Why would you feel connected?

You haven't you haven't been putting anything into this relationship.

There's nothing.

Nothing there on your side.

Yeah, I always say Judaism is not about the butterflies in the stomach, you know, that's actually a gift of God and there is no way I do, is married for sure what I always say.

24:31

Like, you know, you go through this period where you feel so tired and so elevated that's God, give to you to have an idea of where you should get to.

Who and how you should feel or, you know, but that's not where Judaism is Judaism.

It's in the hard work, you know, where you wake up and you don't want to dive in and you're mad and you're annoyed and your diet and you say go and I'm still putting in the effort and I was just listening to a mini for people forecast and Rabbi been through some, pretty much said, you know, he's not about the daf, it's about the yummy, you know, it's not about whether I read the page.

25:02

And and people think, you know, it's about the big event in your, like, the big event in your life.

Don't say anything, you know, there's this discussion in that door.

Which Mitzvah is the most important thing to another.

And so some people think that I have come or how some people think I'm gonna have and all of the sages agree is to bring the Corbin in the morning and in the afternoon, and you're like, really, that's the most importantly pizza.

25:23

And it's like, yeah, that teaches you constancy, you build relationships with constancy and constant feelings, like, one day.

I'm lazy one day.

I'm not feeling it when they am angry and they don't hide that really great.

Most of the days, you're not, but you're in it, no matter what.

25:40

That's what a Emuna is.

Emunah means I'm faithful.

I stay even when I die.

You know, there's the saying in English that says commitment start.

When you want to quit, and I'm sure that you teach that also to your marriage, you know, commitment start, when you want to quit when you were like newlyweds and you have an amazing life and your parents gave you, you know, whatever you're not high, you haven't been challenged.

26:01

That doesn't mean you're committed to your marriage.

That just means that your marriage is giving you what you were lacking.

And, you know, it's a good way to be.

But when you finally, you know, I'm not saying people should have challenges but I also say you will have Japanese as well, when you are in it, no matter what and your constant and you putting any gas then that.

26:21

But that's a problem.

By the way, people always wait till their cars are running low to put gas in the cards and then you know what happens maybe you're stuck in traffic and maybe you know and and then you can't get out of it.

Don't wait till you're running low to put gas in your relationships in your in your Your awareness in your Consciousness.

26:42

This is something that we have to do all of that, because I always say, if you live from paycheck to paycheck, then Corona Combs, that's it, you know, but if you have a little bit of extras and you're going to have some savings account to keep you going for the rest of that.

So good.

I don't want to say, I just want to say that anyone who is listening to this and it's like already starting to come up with ideas, especially because we're just talking about you were talking about priorities and is your day reflecting your priorities.

27:05

I want to encourage people either right now to pause the podcast or as soon as we finish this conversation, I would even say right now, pause the podcast and write down what's coming up for you.

Because you might actually right now you know, just what we do is we get that inspiration when it's true.

My mornings could do this, I could do this with my mornings and I could fit into feel it and maybe I want to do like meaningful meaningful minute, they did that.

27:24

I love that.

If you live before Tech initiative, I thought that was brilliant.

Right.

It's such a simple way to just create that space for yourself and not to mention the fact that from a, from a mental health perspective in Psychology, you know, all the pop psychology, you know, personal everything is all about push off Tech as long as you can in the morning, but if someone at right now is starting to come up with ideas or ways that they can Implement what you're saying, I would encourage them to pause the podcast, don't wait until it's over because then something else will be On your phone.

27:56

And you will look at that message, and then you'll be sucked into your day and you will not take that opportunity.

So since this conversation is possible, I get to say that to people and I want to, I want to add the one you're saying.

I think this is one of the most important advice as which is don't say.

I'm going to study every day.

28:12

You know, whenever I have time this is no, no, you know, that what I said, I said, alright, I can make your Torah fixed.

I always tell my students, it doesn't matter.

What is this thing that you're doing?

What matters is that it is fixed if you say You're going to study five minutes a day.

I want to make this part.

28:29

You don't wait till you're a five minute.

You say every day from 8:00 to 8:05.

I'm going to study Torah.

Now listen to what's going to happen.

That's maybe like 1% of your day, but your whole day, you goes around it.

It's 8 a.m.

I have to study Torah, you know, when my students go like, oh, I want to be tell you I'm gonna wear skirt.

28:46

Every I'm like, no, no you pick two days a week that you want our script and I tell them, you do name that today's Monday and Wednesday, I'm I'm wearing skirts.

So you know what happens, usually you would say, I'm gonna wear skirts, two eggs, but what happened to have a wedding?

I'm going to a beach or these days.

29:03

No Google but it's fine.

I'll make it up next week know when you commit it to Monday.

I'm wearing skirts.

What happens is you have to make it work and therefore Judaism becomes a priority in your life because now I have to make it work.

So when you're passing I'm taking that time to write what you want.

29:20

Be very specific about it.

I am not any day, whatever I am doing.

This is what I'm stopping.

Obviously, be specific about it and also be real about it, you know, you're not going to put it.

I'm not gonna speak Russian Allah from this hour to hour, if that's the armor that you're taking your kids to school, you know.

29:38

Like he has to be an hour that it's possible for you to it.

But, you know, when you touch a now we always say, if you make for me, the hole of a needle, I will open for you the doors of the bank way and really the hole of a needle is so small.

But I always tell people, but the whole of a middle is permanent, you know, anything you do in your Life, it could be time but it has to be something that's fixed in order to be permanent because if not, I am feeling right away and then I'm not going to be high the same way.

30:04

Everyone goes to the gym after New Year's and then they don't go to a gym anymore because it's not a routine.

They didn't make it fixed.

You know, I actually go to a gym every day for two hours.

I have mental issues but people always ask me like how do you have time?

How do you get ready?

And have to have your kids ready?

30:20

I'm like, I have a schedule.

I have think that I'm gonna do and I make it happen.

I I have time for everything.

I'm a full-time working person.

I kids I have millions of gas for Shabbat and you know, you know how it's like to live in Israel where you don't have any help or anything whatsoever but this is something correctly and therefore my day is you know organized in a way that I'm gonna have time to one of the things that I need but also very specific about my tights.

30:47

He's not like when I have time no it's not like you know I'll do so much because know it's like from here to here, that's what I'm doing.

Wow, you go to gym for two hours a day.

Usually do hours a day.

Yes.

But I know.

31:03

I don't look like, but don't be fooled people.

I am crazy shape.

I can do like 60.

Verb is in a row, but yeah, I go to our Dream almost every single day, for two hours other, but two classes to classes, I don't know why.

It's put on my glasses are amazing, I do kickboxing, heat everything.

But yeah discipline, I got something exercise classes, by the way.

31:44

I think I am.

32:08

All of the challenges that I have had in my life, which are aplenty.

You're welcome to anyone.

That's listening to his, you can listen to how many poor people podcast.

One of the things that kept me going all over the time was like, well I'm going to have to get out of this and I'm gonna have to take care of this because no one else is going to do it.

And, you know, sometimes people make fun of me that I'm super lazy for that.

32:27

But I'm like, no, I'm just familiar to what I need to do in my life and when you're committed, you you will find a way because if not, it's not gonna get done, you know?

And again I think those are Values that we have to put in everything in everything.

We have to put these values, that's amazing.

32:44

And after so many things I feel like I could go off of me, thought you just said, but one of the ones that I'm thinking of is that, you know, someone could be listening to this.

I started here, my clients voices as I'm interviewing people like really what they would bring to the next coaching call like Kayla.

32:59

I'm not committed like her, I don't have that personality.

She's able to do it, I'm not.

And when I would respond, is that most of the women listening to this podcast, would Never stop at Arby's and get themselves.

A bacon cheeseburger.

I don't know if they sell bacon cheeseburgers at Arby's, but let's say they do, right?

They never would.

33:14

It doesn't matter how hungry you are, right?

It doesn't matter.

If there's nothing else, you can find to eat.

If you keep kosher, you'll keep kosher and the same person and another situation will be like, I've committed not to eat sugar during the week.

And here she is stuffing her face with cookies, right?

It's not a question of you, not knowing how to commit.

33:31

It's just a question of you bringing a commitment to an area of your life and prioritizing it like you're saying, right, everybody.

Has their commitments.

You know, I have this work.

We told my mother, we're going to go back and see her every other summer.

Is that something we can afford?

Thank God.

Our family is big enough.

33:47

That that is a major major undertaking, right?

I'm going to make it happen.

I don't know how right?

But I'm gonna make it happen because I told her and that's a risk but like that's that's that's my commitment to her that it's going to happen and something else.

I'm like oh well you know used to seeing and it can it can it can reflect back to you what your own priorities are.

34:07

Right?

Yeah.

That point yeah.

Right.

Like if you're not committed to something, so maybe it's not that important.

Like, why are you pretending you care that much to go off sugar maybe you just don't care to go off sugar.

Exactly, exactly.

So that point, you know, people think it's something go personality, it's not a personality.

34:23

When you become committed, you, mold your personality to do that with your committed to, but we many times convince ourselves that we want things that we don't want, you know?

So the truth is, you know, II don't care.

One once brought up the honest with what do you want, know what people tell you you should want, not what you decided you should one because when you're doing that, you're just, you know, like messing yourself up.

34:48

So once you honest with yourself and you're going to want to make it happen but it is not a think that it's personality.

I really would love to just watch TV every day and eat ice cream instead of going to, I do, you know, but I know the feeling that I'm gonna get and I know how proud of them just this Sunday.

35:04

I was in this class.

He was crazy.

She was who I was I'm like really, I did like 80 burpees and everyone is looking at everyone.

Like, they're dying and I'm like going.

And I was the only one that got Beyond third round of herpes.

And I'm getting up from this and I'm like, I hate you.

But I love you because the satisfaction that I get for myself from achieving, this is just totally worth it.

35:24

And I and I always say like wisdom is knowing that the loss is worth it to compare to the game, you always going to lose, you're always going again, there's always something that we need to sacrifice and something that you're going to get.

Glory is knowing, what am I losing?

What am I gaining?

35:40

Because once I have that then, yes, I'm gonna lose.

Yes, I'm gonna be dying.

Yes, I'm gonna.

But what am I gaining out of that?

And therefore, I, I decided mathematically that interrupting, you know, it's an investment.

So, everything in life is an investment, you don't invest in something, you don't have to pull some of your money, something of yourself.

35:56

But our people always think it's, I think, of personality, your luck has nothing to do with that.

He has everything to do with what on your listing.

And as you said, once you commit it, You will make it happen because no it's not.

And what do we say in Judaism, the Derek share that will tell her.

Let her know if you know, talk in the way that a person wants to go you were taken your being guided but you have to want to go what you want to go there.

36:20

Go and make it happen.

I have no idea how or why, but that's not up to me, that's up to her.

It's not exactly exactly.

And I love it.

You're modeling for us with that commitment.

Looks like because I think what happens when I see somebody come in and they're struggling with commitment is that what they were doing is actually have a I don't feel be the Episode when this comes out or a couple episodes back with it, so live coaching call, one of my clients came on and we coached on the podcast episode and she was doing this why she was trying to convey we sort of come at the thing that we're trying to commit to with this hustle, the energy.

36:50

And what I think that's coming from is we're trying to hustle past all the objections that are coming up for our head, like, wait a second, but I'm always very tired at that time of day, or I don't actually know if he can afford to be like all the things that are coming up for us.

We're like, no, no, no, I'm totally into it.

I'm totally going to do it.

I'm going to post on social media that I'm giving up flower for a month or whatever, like the thing.

37:06

Is and actually what you're showing us is if you need the intellectual Clarity first you need to take that beat and slow down.

And just what we did in that session is slow down and listen to the objections.

Get mathematical about it.

Like you said, to these objections override the benefit and if not, then we need to handle them, we need to deal with them.

37:28

We need to solve for them, we don't its energy, doesn't blow past, you know, maybe it'll work once or twice, but at some point, That information was really really valuable information.

We didn't want to just like you know again flow past it.

We want to slow down and hear it.

37:44

And what you're showing, I think just sort of energetically for people to listen to is that a commitment is a very grounded thing.

It's not like a hyper pushy energy.

It's no, this is just, this is just it, right?

This is the equipment.

I'm going to do it, it's not going to get done.

38:02

What is there to discuss?

Right?

And when we're in that energy it's actually a lot easier also.

Just nice.

Yeah, and you know people should also challenged their objections, you know, because like you said, people say, oh I'm tired, but you stay up till 12:00 am doing.

I don't know what you know like when he tell Lu Li I go to City Hall.

38:23

So who wants to try out this far?

I got 130 and it finishes, I want early.

And then I'm like, how am I gonna go?

But then I said to myself, what?

Okay, every Saturday night to go to sleep at 2:00 a.m. anyways.

38:41

So you don't have an excuse for another one.

So I said to myself at least that during that, I'm gonna go because I would have stayed up doing Studio anyways.

So if I'm gonna do sure I could do it.

You know, we say no this M is so expensive or this thing.

Again, I don't want to pay for that.

You know, I remember one time, my husband, he got out of this place was something.

38:58

They were so expensive and I'm like, how are you?

But then I'm like, but I go on by maybe Be okay, I buy cheap dresses but up I would buy this dress for this amount of money so I have money for this but I don't have any bullets, you know, I have time for these.

I could stay awake for this because if I would go to a movies, I wouldn't mind staying awake.

39:16

So let's be real about our objections.

And again, it's only because the other things are more entertaining and more welcoming more, you know, they make us feel more good but in the long run we're doing the right thing will make you feel much better.

Maybe not at the moment because it's not instantly, palatial robe.

39:32

But I later on it's like that you know me going to a Jimmy just like ah you know I did this you know.

So yeah.

It's um so we have to put in the indoor.

I think there's a really challenging cycle here though with what you're saying which is that again this is sort of for me watching watching my people and I'm sure myself also but To be able to challenge yourself.

39:53

And which allows you to commit and build your self-esteem, you need a certain amount of self-esteem.

Right.

That is should be able to call yourself out.

If your, if your self-esteem is very fragile and your sense of self is very fragile and you sort of feel like you have to be perfect for, you know, it to be okay, we get defensive even with ourselves for sure.

40:12

If someone else called those out that even calling ourselves out, it's something that's, it's reflective of already having self esteem, but then what people get stuck in his then they don't call themselves out because they don't know how to handle it, but because they're not calling themselves out.

They continually don't show up in a way that they're proud of.

40:29

Which means that they don't develop the global stairs but they're not.

As you said it's a cycle, right?

How do how do we think we build that self-esteem?

You know, how do we think we do a lot by showing up every time you show up you get a point of saying I did this.

40:44

I could I put myself as a priority so then you do it again, you know.

So I can't have self-esteem if I have never got to a place where I feel like I could achieve something.

So you know, I have a student now that she never wakes up.

Her a lot of bit.

41:00

So every day she she, you know, bumpers herself and she says, well, at least I woke up.

I'm like, no, no, no, you don't understand.

Your job is to wake up when you put your lap and after you did it five times, then you're going to feel so good about it.

And what's going to happen is then you're not going to have to fight it anymore because now, you know, you can do it feel to a, you don't know, you can do it because you've never done it.

41:22

So, how do we actually build that self-esteem?

So yes, let's go back.

I'm not saying everyone has to expect millions of things from this Earth.

But do a tiny hole, something that you can't do that, it's fixed, and I'm more that you do it.

The more that you will be like America and also, by the way, like that's why we have all of the knowledge and all of that Judaism that we have.

41:43

I mean, God be lifted.

You do you need any more?

You know, booster than that.

You woke up this morning, not everyone woke up this morning.

Good things you can do it.

You know, we say the Fab Lab, I'm gonna take her to a lot of people think my faithfulness and you God is great.

41:58

I got to say, Yesterday, I'm tired.

I woke up this morning.

No, no good state for missing you.

It's great.

I tell my students every day the fact that you woke up today, means that there's something that you can do that.

No one else can do.

You're not a stunt in a movie, if you don't make it, your place is not going to be, you know, we place that quickly.

42:17

So once I wake up, you know, I've never actually Smooths my alarm because sometimes I do stay in bed, but I'm awake, I do want to say that board.

I woke up with this feeling of, like, you believe me, I'm gonna get up like I'm How can I wait this life?

I'm going people tell me.

I'm just very tired.

I'm like, guys, it's not tired.

42:34

It's a lot of motivation because you don't feel your life is exciting enough or there's something good enough waiting for you, you know?

So if I am motivated and that motivation, comes stop for one second and be like.

Wow, I woke up.

What does good things I need to be doing?

42:51

Not only did I wake up, by the way?

I work properly doing it is, as, if Corey say, I put a hundred dollars in your bank.

Yesterday, you wasted it, but I'm gonna put another 100 dollars in your bank, to it.

That's it, you're going to use it with.

So then, at some point, you're going to be like, wow, you really think I could use these $100.

43:08

So, how do you think you're going to wake up in the morning?

Do you have that feeling?

And then we go back to every day that I do something.

It adds up to like, well, I reckon it's amazing.

You know, I like, I'm not saying, you know, I don't have that greatest of this team in the planet.

I also do want to say, like, self-esteem is divided by Parts because we're all made out of many parts, I could be really good at one part.

43:27

I'm not so good at the other part.

But it's all about I stopped.

And I said, well, I do this here, or I can do this here.

Why not?

Why don't I take that pride and those feelings and applied also somewhere else, but, but but the self-esteem comes from that knowing I incapable, you know.

43:42

So once you know, you're a capable you go to applied into every single area of your life.

Amazing, amazing.

And I love what you're like.

I feel like I just want to point out that, not that none of, that's necessarily requires dramatic changes in your life, right?

Like, you don't have to move, we don't have to quit your job, right?

43:59

That's so much of this is just about awareness and these tweaks, right?

Like again, spending 10 minutes on social media, maybe that could be deafening, right?

But if you have that awareness, you have you really thought it through.

You'll have the motivation to do it.

Is there anything you want?

A lot of people with, as we as we wrap this up any final thoughts?

44:18

Maybe one second, but I just wanted to tell you that one time I was teaching this class in America and I was pretty much saying, like, all of all of relationships is, I love this, but I love you more, you know?

I was just saying that the other day, like a tiny video from Friends ended up in my in my Facebook.

44:35

So I love friends.

So I was like watching this kid for a little, like a second.

So I you know, it's a great drill just had a baby girl.

So then you know, Monica, I think she already has all of the names for her babies.

So I want to take money, go out your names and she's like, no, no, I don't want you guys to take them so they go like, no.

No, what's your name?

44:50

So, Monica says, like fine if it's a boy, it would be the time, you know?

And so then Rachel who had a baby girl for anyone that doesn't know friends.

You know, she says, what about it would be a girl and she says, no, I don't want to say, and she goes, like, come on Monica, I'm not going to steal it.

45:07

So then, when it got this fine, if I had a girl, who would be Emma?

So Richard goes like, who am I?

It's so beautiful.

And I already took it out Rachel like or anything like to do wanted to tell you I'm Monica turns to Rachel and she said, you can take it.

45:23

It's fine.

You can have it and Rachel goes like but you love this name and Monica says yes, I love the name but I love you more and everything in life is I know, I had to, you know, but everything in life is I love this.

45:39

But I love you more, I love this, but I love you more.

And what I was teaching this whole class or how now sevenish Minds like Like, I'm just gonna do it and because love is what matters to you matters to me.

It's a huge class and one of my students came to pick me up the next morning.

45:55

And she said, you know what, I was thinking about, what you said the whole day.

She said, like if I wake up in the morning even if I'm late, even in fantasy, or even if I'm, I have my coffee because my coffee is my coffee, I don't just have my coffee, I Take 5 minutes, you know, to make my good coffee and sip it, but she said, I don't do this with like governing.

46:13

I don't think five minutes, you know, to haven't that.

If I have time left and he said to me, you made me realize yesterday.

I love my coffee more than I love many other things and you know, that was a great point of awareness.

But yes, how much do you love your coffee?

Because we all know there are things.

46:31

I would never go without ever.

So then why don't we make those things things that are good for us and things that are valuable and things that allow us to have a real relationship with God, you know.

So I don't know why my parting words.

Could be, but everyone has to know that you can have a big meaning for life and, you know, feeling under the weather many times.

46:56

It's okay, even if you feel it every single day, but, you know, this all of this week's gotta show, we've been learning about yourself, you know?

So, I always say, like, what is the test of yourself your service?

Like the one that everything he does goes Bobby, you know, when you have like good intentions but then it doesn't work out and you know there's always this kind of like what was the point?

47:15

Why do I keep on Right?

But that was yourself, you know, like our Rabbi say, the test of yourself, was that you fail constantly are doing what you think you're doing it, right?

And, you know, and to keep on trying because I was really a test of yourself and now obviously we all know how the story ends at all, he became the vice president but even time, you know, it wasn't like the easiest thing in the planet for yourself.

47:39

It's actually the only person in the whole entire Torah considered successful and went up a soup tells us that you said was successfully test my Yeah, he has shamed in your survey.

Yeah.

You're selfish much Leah and it was that God was with yourself.

Have yourself quite successful in that Dora.

47:54

We have a rule that whenever a soup starts with the word, the hyah it's going to give us good news.

Like Taj Mahal.

Yeah.

In Samoa and we have a rule that whenever it starts with the word about your he it's going to give us buttons.

So it doesn't really make sense because that's what I sent you by a.

48:09

He I mean was bad news that yourself was successful.

Good news.

So how do you make sense?

The answer is yourself what successful because of all of the Maya.

He's in his life he was all of the following.

It was all of the pushing that was considered being successful success.

48:26

Doesn't look like every day.

I'm feeling it every day.

I'm shooting baskets, no one likes to see a basketball player that everything he shoots is at 3.30, you know, it's not entertaining at one point because music at some point is not entertaining anymore.

We want to see someone that pushes it and I get it.

And anyone that you admire in your life, I can guarantee you is someone approaches.

48:45

It's Someone whose life is gold and they have everything is not someone like that and therefore we have to change our definition of success.

And so, press is not amazing or achieving success is doing the best that I can with what I've been given success is falling and getting up and everybody listening to his forecast and you listen to Kayla's amazing coaching and you're thinking, you know, like I failed again.

49:09

So what, you know, get up and try and you're gonna make it, and the fact that you felt You got off that says so much about you that says that you have a personality that is resilient and that you want to be good.

And I'm telling you, one day, you will be good and you are good already.

49:25

I don't mean to say like that but what are they?

You will be at the place that you want just because you never gave up, you know, my daughter the other day.

She learned how to jump in that little ball business.

You know, that you put like a circle in your food and then you have the ball and she's like a man be like and then suddenly, after 500 tries, she was doing it.

49:43

I love life and I'm like, no, that's what it looks like.

Looks like that.

But if she would have given up, but that 500 times, you wouldn't have gotten it at the 501.

You know, that's what shall I write, he dumb and 550 times nor 514.

So keep going and believe in yourself because if God is giving you life this morning, it means he believes in you.

50:03

So I don't know what else you need, but it is perfect.

And also, yeah, more than a person believes in God, he has to believe in himself.

That's a famous saying from our sages.

So yeah.

Thank you so much and he was exactly what we needed you, but you could boost in the middle of the Winter.

50:19

Thank you for coming on.

Thank you, thank you so much for having me and I was at the shop.

Maybe one day we'll meet in person.

I would love that but of your basic, thank you.

And thank you to all of our listeners and what of Kayla's listening list.

Keep listening to his Park out because it's amazing.

50:34

That's part of the work anyway.

Okay.

Hey, there, if you know, a newlywed or you are one, we have a wedding gift for you.

Go to https://www.kaylalevin.com/newlywed to get access to my best selling course.

First year married you have got to be in your first six months so make sure you don't wait and if you've been married longer than that but you're looking for some more support or this stuff is just super fun for you.

50:58

I'd love to have you join me inside of my membership Community, how to blow its for women, looking for a fresh take on relationship development.

Join us for live coaching calls signature classes and Anonymous Q&A.

Let's do it.

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First year married you have got to be in your first six months so make sure you don't wait and if you've been married longer than that but you're looking for some more support or this stuff is just super fun for you.

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