Episode 193 - When Your Husband is Struggling
Updated: 20 hours ago
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Seeing your husband struggling can be one of the hardest things to deal with as a couple, and it's one that I hear about frequently from you all.
For one thing, if he's struggling, that usually means you're getting a lot less support (so it can be harder to access the empathy needed to stay connected).
In addition, it can feel like his challenge is directly against you--whether he's struggling to attend shiur or make it to work, is hooked on his device and not really showing up in "the real world," or any of the other number of outs people take when we need a coping mechanism and don't have a better option. The subconscious belief is, if he cared more, it wouldn't be happening.
But if we're able to step back and witness our partner, usually it's clear that what we see is nothing more than a good person having a very hard time. A person we want to support.
Sometimes difficult conversations are necessary--but when we are coming from a place of partnership and fierce support, that conversation can be one of the best things that ever happens to you as a couple.
One of my favorite questions to ask is, "what does support look like right now?"
Because while for us busy ladies, support usually means "help take the load off this very heavy plate," it might not be that for your husband. Support might look like trust or belief. Support might mean lining him up technically for success. Or support MIGHT mean "help take the load off"--offering to do the legwork to find the support he needs.
WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER IN THIS EPISODE:
The main thing holding us back
How can we be fiercely by their side?
Don't support a man the way you would a woman
How to support your husband
Don't just try to fix it
Take the long term perspective
FEATURED IN THIS EPISODE:
The issues addressed in this episode were coming up a lot in Ask Kayla, a feature of my monthly coaching program where you send in a question anonymously and I coach you on it. If you want to submit questions and get coached on anything from marriage to parenting to any other relationship, join the program at kaylalevin.com/coaching
Transcript
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