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Ep. 79 - Find A Guru (and Summer Series Announcement!)

Episode 79 Overview

Last week we talked about finding your inner guru, the voice of calm that you can call upon when your brain feels like it’s spinning out of control.

I’ve also talked about making your husband your guru. I hear so many times about wives who are frustrated that he’s relaxing when she’s working so hard, or that she wants to be on time and he’s enjoying a few moments with the family in the morning. (And of course sometimes it’s the opposite--he’s so driven and she wants to just sit back and enjoy!)

My shift happened when I decided to make him my guru. Whatever we were so fundamentally different meant there was a part of my personality that was unbalanced. My example is being on time. When I was in theater school at NYU, the studio I went to, the Atlantic,  drilled into us “five minutes early is ten minutes late.” Timeliness and professionalism were highly valued.

But the message I heard, and this is entirely on me, was that it was shameful to be late. So instead of just seeing a boundary, I generalized it into self-worth, that good people are on time and bad people are late.

Which means that I had to learn that being late isn’t an emergency, that other people’s judgments about it are actually not really my problem, and when I got married it’s no accident that I married a man who will gladly be late if it means a few more minutes of connection and conversation before he starts his day. 

So I was over-balanced. And finally, instead of trying to teach him about the virtue of timeliness, I decided to get curious about what he can teach me.

And the truth is? Those moments of connection keep me going on the hardest days. And of COURSE it’s so much more important than being on time. Think how many deposits into our relationship bank account, to use the Gottman’s term, that I’d be missing if I wasn't willing to be in a place of curiosity and learning.

Do I still aim to be on time? Absolutely. But I believe this process allowed me to became a more well-rounded person.

But this week I want to share an idea I’ve been playing with for a while. And it happened when I discovered this insanely popular instagram account of Mrs. Hinch. (@mrshinchhome)

She LOVES this stuff.

But most of us can’t stand it.

So what if she was my guru? 

So I decided to study her and try to learn how she thinks about housework. 

And this is a whole different energy than your inner guru. This is possibility, play, challenging assumptions. 

So this summer I’m super excited to be taking us all on a guru interview series.

I’ve found women from all areas that we kvetch about: the cooking, the kids, the home, our roles that we play as women and wives… and found the women who have the paradigms that allow them to LOVE the very things we struggle with.

Make sure you are subscribed. You are not going to want to miss a single one.




What You’ll Learn in This Week's Episode:

  1. How my husband became my “connection guru”

  2. How to find your own guru in the areas you most struggle with

  3. My love of Mrs. Hinch @mrshinchhome

  4. The simple way to transform frustrating to-do’s into self-care and fun

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